Forgive Me
by FanFicJunkie94
Summary: Desiree remembers her past and is finally able to make amends with someone she spent her life resenting.
1. Chapter 1 and 2

It had been forty years since the war, thirty seven years since her 18th birthday, and thirty seven years and a day since she made a decision that would forever change her life. Desiree turned over on her side. Thinking about those things made her uncomfortable. There were too many memories attached to those years, some of which she never wanted to forget and some she hated herself for remembering. Today had been her 55th birthday and there she was at 8 pm, locked in her room, lying on her bed; all alone upon request as the snow fell outside her window. This was how she had spent almost every one of her birthdays. She never liked being the center of attention but she mostly just didn't want to be reminded that it had been so many years since she was truly happy, so many years since she had last seen their faces. She jumped as the phone on her night stand rang to life. She already knew who it would be before she answered it.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hi Gramma," a voice said on the other side.

She had known this call would be coming today,

"Hi sweet heart!" She said, happy to hear her grandson's voice.

"Mommy says it's your birthday today Gramma. Did you have a party?"

"No, honey. Grandma's too old for parties." She laughed, "Not you though. Your birthday is coming up soon isn't it? You're going to be…15 right?" She said jokingly.

"No!" her grandson said and started to laugh. "I'm going to be 7!"

"I know, Adam, I was just kidding." She laughed again. "Is mommy there? Grandma would like to talk to her."

"Yeah….Mommy!" She heard him yell.

"Bye Gramma, love you" Adam said.

"Love you too."

"Mom?" her daughter answered.

"Hi Maggie." She replied.

"Sorry, he wanted to call you. He didn't understand why we didn't have a party."

"It's fine. I was just resting. So, how was John's little talk with his boss today?" she asked.

"It went good! He's one of three candidates up for the vice-president position now. If he gets it, we'll be able to afford the renovations for the kitchen by my 37th like we wanted."

"That's wonderful! You both deserve it. "She said.

The line was quiet for a moment as her mind raced back to the days when she once believed she would have a normal, happy life like her daughter did.

"Mom, I hope you didn't think about…all that stuff today. You can't dwell on the past."

"Honey, I'm not dwelling. Just remembering is all. It's nice to sit and remember things sometimes, even if they do make you a little sad." She said.

"Well, I actually got a call this morning from a man named Timothy…hold on let me find his name. I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget. Upham. Timothy Upham. He said he knew you from a long time ago and I didn't know if you actually knew him or remembered him. Do you?"

She almost dropped the phone. She hadn't heard that name in years and the thought of the man brought back too many emotions at once for her to give a complete answer.

"I..uh…"

"Anyways, he said he had been trying to find you for some time and didn't know you had changed your last name until a man named Richard told him a few days ago. He said he passed away yesterday and thought you would like to attend the funeral on Monday. He must've been using a phonebook from before you moved out and we moved in last year."

Reiben was dead? He couldn't have been too much older than her. A tear rolled down her cheek as she searched for something to say.

"I'm sorry mom. That probably ruined your night. I thought he was just some guy, I didn't think you really knew him too well since I'd never met him. "

"No no. It's okay. I remember them both, but only slightly." She lied. She remembered everything about Upham, everything about Reiben. She couldn't forget.

"Well, he said the service is in France at the Normandy American Cemetery and Memorial and that Richard's family has offered to pay for your plane ticket if you want to go. I guess he really wanted you there for some reason."

Again, she didn't know what to say. She knew going to the service would be hard, but just being in that cemetery would be even harder. As much as she wanted to go for Reiben's sake, she didn't know if she could mentally handle it.

"I'll…I'll have to think on it."

"Okay mom. Sorry to ruin your night I didn't know,"

"It's fine honey. I'm just going to go to bed now. I love you."

"Love you too."

She placed the phone back on the receiver and grabbed a tissue from its box. She wiped her eyes and lay back down on her bed, knowing that she would need to make her decision in the morning.

* * *

><p>She gripped the arm of her seat as the plane took off. She hated planes. Her daughter had persistently insisted that she go with but Desiree couldn't let her. There was a huge chance that she would break down and she didn't want Maggie to see that. She hoped she wouldn't regret her decision to go alone. The man sitting next to her was young, probably about 25. He had huge headphones on his head and smelled like cigarettes. She tried to remember the first time she had had a cigarette. She rested her head back, and searched her mind.<p>

It had been about 4 months after she turned 18. Only 4 months and there she was: surrounded by a bunch of men she didn't know on a small boat. She had quickly gotten used to not having her long hair on her shoulders, not wearing makeup and unpleasantly, not showering. A wave of water crashed into the boat soaking everyone. The salt burned her eyes. She raised her arm too wipe off her face and noticed she was shaking. She was scared. Everyone was scared. A man standing next to her leaned forward and heaved but nothing came out. Apparently, their ration of water and bread they had for breakfast 6 hours ago had already been digested. He heaved again. Another man behind him put his arm on his shoulder and said,

"You're gunna be fine Johnson."

She wished she could say something to comfort the boy who was probably the same age as her but she was afraid if she stopped clenching her jaw, she would break into tears. They could hear gunfire just a few yards in front of them and knew the doors would open any second. Men were praying all around her and she wished at that moment that she believed in God. She thought of why she was doing this. Her brother Jimmy would be thankful he didn't have to leave his family and Jacob would be able to grow up with his dad around. That was why she had placed herself in this position. She remembered opening the draft letter in front of the post office back in Pittsburgh and knew at that moment that she would do anything to stop her brother from going to the war. A captain at the front of the boat yelled back that the doors were about to open. They all grabbed their guns and waited. They all knew that they would probably be pummeled with bullets the second they saw the beach. The air was thick with the smell of blood. They waited. Waited.

"OPEN!" yelled the captain, and the doors fell down.

She didn't see anything else but the beach as she jumped out of the crowded boat and tried her best to swim to shore. She could hear the bullets flying past her head as she tried to keep herself aloft in the water and knew she had to keep calm if she didn't want to drown. She struggled, but was able to quickly get the pack full of rations and blankets off her back. It felt like a bag of bricks had just been taken off her shoulders. She swam fast to the shore and ran behind a barrier. She looked back and saw that the ocean was tinted red and full of bodies. Everyone that had flanked left had been killed except for her. She looked right and saw the rest of the group hidden behind another barrier. They had had more luck going to the right. There were about ten men left. She knew it was a huge risk but she needed to regroup with them. She took a huge breath, and hoped it wouldn't be her last as she threw herself forward and ran as fast as she could. The wet sand was like suctions cups on her shoes and it slowed her down drastically. She could see the bullets hit the ground in front of her. She jumped and hurled herself behind the barrier with the other men.

"You alright Parker?" a man asked as he helped her up.

"Yeah, I think so." She replied, masking her voice.

"Good. Okay, everyone listen up!" The man said.

"We need to get over to the barricade about 50 feet in front of us to meet up with C Company. Anyone got any ideas that won't get us all killed?"

She couldn't think of anything. She couldn't focus. Her heart was still thumping hard against her chest when she looked down and saw Johnson lying on the ground, half his face was gone. Her stomach turned and she almost got sick. All she could think about was his poor mother and how just a few minutes ago, he had been told he'd be alright.

"Bring up the bangalores!" She heard someone yell up shore.

They waited until they heard "fire in the hole" and then they ducked and covered. Dirt, sand, and god knows what else rained down on them.

"We're good. Let's go!" The man called out.

They ran towards where the bangalores had been used. Desiree landed with a thud against the sand barrier. She slid slightly up, enough to see her first German soldiers. Her heart filled with hate as she thought of Johnson. She aimed at one as he loaded his gun and a split-second before she pulled the trigger; he fell to the ground with blood spurting out of his neck.

"Got 'em." A voice next to her said. It was the captain from the ship. As he rolled over, she read the print on his bag.

"Jones".

She sat for a second, surprised at the fact at how easily she almost just killed another human being.

"This is war," she told herself, "you'll have to do it at some point."

A few minutes later, all gunfire stopped and all she could hear was the cries of the wounded and the crash of the waves against the shore.


	2. Chapter 3 and 4

"PARKER!" someone yelled in the crowd of people.

"Parker, get up here!"

She picked her rifle off the ground and ran to where she thought she had heard the voice. The first thing that came to mind was that somehow, they had found out. They knew she was a woman and she would be sent home on the first ship or flight out. She passed groups of soldiers, sitting around eating and smoking. She had never smoked before and didn't understand why almost everyone here did.

"Parker, over here!" the voice said again.

She could see him this time. It was Captain Jones. He was standing next to another captain.

"Yes sir?" she asked, remembering to deepen her voice.

"Parker, I didn't get to see how well of a shot you were today, but I did see you run. And you were fast. Each company needs a good runner and Captain Miller here just lost his. You're going to move over to his company now since we have Henderson."

"Yes sir." She said shaking the hand that Jones put out. "Nice to meet you sir." She said to her new Captain with a nod.

"Same here Parker, the rest of Charlie Company's over there. We'll be moving out in an hour or so, so go get some rest."

"Yes sir" she said.

She headed over to where Captain Miller had pointed. Sitting in a half circle were six tired looking men, laughing and talking. She set her stuff down and sat awkwardly outside their group.

"Who the fuck are you?" said one of the men.

All of them looked at her.

"Jimmy Parker." She answered, shocked at his lack of hospitality.

"Mellish, don't be a dick." Said another man.

"I'm not bein' a dick Jackson. Just wanna know who the fuck this kid is." Mellish replied.

"You with us now?" he asked her.

"Guess so." She said, knowing that he wouldn't be pleased to hear it.

"Welcome to C Company then." A tall, tan soldier said. "I'm Caparzo, this here…" he punched the guy in the shoulder, "is Mellish. That's Jackson," he said pointing to the man who had stood up for her, "Reiben, Wade, and Horvath. I'm just going to assume that you got put with us because you're a fast runner?" he asked her.

"That's what they told me." She replied with a smile.

"We'll try not to get too attached to you then." He said. The men laughed.

She laughed too, but only to mask the fear she felt as she heard his words. Runners usually didn't last that long and she knew that.

"You smoke Parker?" Reiben asked her.

He could tell she was worried.

"Haven't yet." She answered.

"Here, you might want to start if that's how nervous you are all the time." He said handing her a lit cigarette.

They all watched as she inhaled and laughed as she choked on the smoke.

Once she stopped coughing she handed the cigarette back to Reiben.

"Yeah no thanks." She said.

"Suit yourself." He took it back and smoked the rest of it.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, wondering where they were headed to next.

* * *

><p>It had been 3 days since they had stormed the beach and already it seemed like it had been years ago. She didn't miss being in Fox Company. She had never really gotten to know any of the guys, nor did she really care to. But, with Charlie Company it was different. The men here had known each other for a while obviously and had accepted her quite fast. They had been walking non-stop since they left the beach and she had spent the time getting to know some of them to keep her mind off of the unbearable itching coming from the back of her head. The bobby pins keeping her medium length hair hidden were being more annoying than usual. The barber back from when she was in basic had known she was a girl and after telling him why she was sneaking in and begging him not to rat her out, he had shown her how to hide her hair using bobby pins. She had to find a way to be alone for a few moments each day to make sure it looked okay. She wished now that she had just had him shave it. Back in Fox Company, she had been threatened daily by the men who said they would shave her head while she was asleep. While it had made her a laughing stock, she had always answered back that it was the only thing she had left that would allow her to remember the days before the war when she, James Parker, used to style her hair like Elvis. She couldn't understand how they believed that shit, but it worked. She never thought one of the main things she would have to worry about in the war would be keeping her hair from falling out of place.<p>

She had learned that Jackson was the sweet, country boy from Tennessee. He was more arrogant than the rest but with good reason. Mellish was Jewish and wanted to rub it in the face of every German he met. He came off as kind of an asshole but you could tell he had a good side to him; you just had to find it first. Her favorite so far was their medic, Wade. He had something about him that made her feel comfortable (maybe it was the fact that he could save her life). He was quiet and reserved and looked like he could use about 48 hours of sleep. He was from Colorado. The rest of the men hadn't shared much with her. They spent most of their time trying to get another addition named Upham to shut up. He was a Corporal, brought with because they needed a translator; a perfect job for someone who never stops talking.

"You wanna explain the math of this to me? I mean, where's the sense of risking the lives of the nine of us to save one guy?" Reiben blurted out from the front of the group.

They were all watching around as they continued, rifles at the ready.

"20 degrees." Captain Miller commanded the group. "Anybody want to answer that?"

Desiree had no answer. They had been assigned to save some Private Ryan whose brothers had been killed in action. She understood why they had to do it, it just seemed so unorthodox.

"Reiben, think about the poor bastard's mother," Wade answered.

Without looking back, Reiben replied,

"Hey doc, I got a mother alright? I mean, you got a mother, Sarge has got a mother, I mean, shit, I bet even the captain's got a mother."

They looked at Captain Miller who didn't say a word.

"Well, maybe not the Captain, but the rest of us got mothers." Reiben said with a smile.

Desiree thought of her mother. She missed her so much and knew how angry her parents were at her for her decision. Everyone back home was mad at her, she knew it. It was a surprise that they hadn't pulled her out.

"Theirs not to reason why, theirs but to do and die." Upham recited from the left of her.

"La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. What the fuck is that supposed to mean Corporal, huh? We're all supposed to die, is that it?" Mellish slashed back.

She hated that they picked on the small guy, but he needed to just be quiet.

She nudged him on the side and gave him a look to show he should stop now and keep his trap shut until they reached the town.

"Upham's talking about our duty as soldiers." Miller replied before anyone else could lash out.

"Yes sir." Upham agreed.

She looked at Caparzo who shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"We all have orders and we have to follow 'em. That supersedes everything, including your mothers."

"Yes sir, thank you sir." Upham said, smirking.

She resisted the urge to stick her leg out and trip him.

"Even if you think the mission is FUBAR sir?" Reiben asked.

"Especially if you think the mission is FUBAR." Miller answered.

"What's FUBAR?" Upham asked before Desiree could.

"Oh, it's German." Mellish told him.

The rest of the guys chuckled.

"Never heard of that." Upham said.

She knew they were bullshitting him, but she wanted to know too. She looked over at Wade who was nervously wandering in the middle of the group. He smiled at her and mouthed the word "later" to her. She nodded as Jackson began to go off about himself. They talked some more about their opinions on the mission as they headed towards the town. She gripped her rifle as they began to hear gunshots once again.


	3. Chapter 5 and 6

"We will be landing in France in five minutes. Please close all trays and put your seatbelts on. Thank you for flying with us today and we hope you have a wonderful stay."

Desiree opened her eyes. She had been lost in thought way longer than she had imagined. She put her seatbelt on and was surprised that the man sitting next to her was no longer a smelly kid, but a skinny gray haired man. He made eye contact with her and smiled.

"Sorry. I was going to say 'hi' but I didn't want to wake you up."

His voice hit her like a ton of bricks. She knew him.

"…Upham?" She asked, surprised.

"I go by Tim now, Desi." He laughed.

He leaned over and hugged her as they landed in the place they had met.

"So, how've you been?" He asked her as they walked out of the airport.

He had insisted on carrying her bag. She didn't want to talk. She just wanted to go to her hotel room and be alone. Actually, she didn't really want to be alone. She just didn't want to be in his presence. She hadn't been able to forgive him, even after all these years. Why Reiben had even wanted him at his funeral was a mystery to her.

"Uh…I've been…okay I guess. Nothing was ever really easy you know." She told him.

"Did you ever…meet anyone else?" He asked her.

She couldn't believe he had just said that.

"No…of course not. I would never do that." She said.

He must've known he had hit a nerve.

"Sorry. I'm just trying to start a conversation Desi. It's been almost 40 years since I last saw you and here we are with nothing to talk about." He set her bag on the ground.

"I'm sorry," she lied. "We'll have something to talk about tomorrow. I'm going to head over to my hotel and try to get used to this time difference. Thanks for carrying my bag." She leaned over and picked up her suitcase.

"Desiree, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to…"

"See you tomorrow Upham." She interrupted him, as she opened the door to the first available taxi and got in.

He looked saddened as they drove away. She couldn't believe that after 37 years, he hadn't changed one bit. He was still an annoying prick that never shut up. She pushed away the small amount of guilt she felt as they pulled up to her hotel. She gave the man some of the French currency she had gotten from the airport and headed in to get her room. A man led her to the only available room left and gave her the key before walking back to the lobby. The room was small but it would do. She put her pajamas on and brushed her teeth before she called her daughter.

She dialed Maggie's number and waited.

"Hello?"

"Hi Maggie. It's Mom." She said.

"Hey Mom. How was your flight?" She asked.

"It was alright. It went faster than I had expected though." She told her.

"I wish you would've let me come with Mom. I really want to see where he's buried."

Desiree felt her throat swell up with sadness.

"Honey, I've told you before. It's just a stone. He isn't there. I would never be able to find where it really was now. It's probably someone's backyard for all we know." She held back tears with that thought.

"Still. I think things would be easier for you if I was there. Uncle Jimmy called today and was pretty upset that you didn't tell him about this. He said Jacob and him would've liked to come along too. It's just hard for us to let you do this on your own Mom. I know you're strong but sometimes it's okay to have other people there for you."

She had been told that her whole life and was damn near tired of it. She didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry Mom. I've got to go finish getting Adam ready for school. Call me tomorrow and we'll set up getting you from the airport. I love you."

Desiree had forgotten the extreme time difference.

"I love you too. Goodnight." She said before setting the phone down.

She looked at the clock on the nightstand. One in the morning. She reached over and turned off the cheap lamp on the stand before resting her head on the pillows and trying to forget the whole day.

* * *

><p>The rain began to pour down on them, matching the sound of the gunshots that were to close for their comfort. They ran through the mud and debris to a cement gate, probably the entrance to the small village. There were people shouting in French somewhere ahead. The only one who could know what they were saying was Upham, but he was too busy gripping his rifle with all his strength to concentrate on anything else.<p>

"THUNDER!" Miller yelled.

"Flash!" a voice sounded back.

They felt a slight bit of comfort knowing there were other American soldiers still left.

"Upham, Parker, over there." Miller ordered pointing to the left. "Reiben, you five, go!"

She did as she was told with Upham clinging onto the back of her jacket. She would've laughed if her life wasn't in danger. She followed Reiben and Mellish while Wade hid behind Upham. He was defenseless and she'd rather have had him behind her with Upham left dangling behind. They hid behind a small brick wall and waited as Captain Miller explained their situation to the other unit. She heard someone call for a runner and even though it wasn't an order for her, her heart still dropped into her stomach.

"Hey Parker, you alright?" Wade asked.

"Yeah…why?" she asked, confused.

"You're paler than he is." Reiben said.

She laughed nervously. Wade was pretty pale. If they were in any other place, she would assume him sickly. They could hear someone speaking in German over a loudspeaker.

"What's he saying Upham?" Reiben asked, peering through a hole in the wall.

Upham didn't answer. He was looking nervously around, still holding on to Desiree. She pulled him off.

"What is the man saying?" She demanded.

"Um…" He paused to listen for a second, "He's bashing the Americans."

"That's real surprising." Reiben said.

Miller and the rest of the men, including the other unit, ran over to the wall and crouched down. One of the men began explaining why there were so few of them. Desiree listened closely to the loudspeaker, trying to understand bits of things he was saying.

"The Statue of Liberty is kaput." Miller copied the man. "That's disconcerting."

The runner arrived and they opened fire in the direction they suspected the Germans to be. Once they stopped, he took off. There was no sound but his footsteps for a moment before they heard the return fire and the noise a bullet made when penetrating through three layers of clothes. They watched in horror as they continuously shot him, making sure he was dead.

"Those sadistic fucking animals!" someone yelled.

She thought about how simply that could've been her instead. She couldn't hear anything the man was explaining and watched as he and Miller ran over to the side of a building. They all got called over.

"Reiben, Caparzo. Fundamentals. Short runs. High and low at the corners. Gonna be tight. Be prepared for close contact. Go." Miller ordered. "Upham you stay with Sergeant Horvath."

She ran with the rest of the men behind Reiben and Caparzo, glad to have Upham clinging to someone else instead of her this time. They hurdled over debris and stayed low in case of snipers.

"Reiben where's the Captain from?" Upham asked, not staying by Sergeant Horvath.

"You figure that one out you got yourself a nice prize." He replied.

"300 bucks last I heard." Jackson said, passing them.

"Company's got a pool. 5 bucks gets you in." Mellish added.

She laughed. They had gotten her in a few hours after they had met. It was stupid but gave them something to be hopeful about. Wade came through another building, helping an injured man keep up. They carefully headed through the destroyed village. She ran behind Reiben, Upham, and Caparzo.

"Reiben, so you don't even know where he went to school?" Upham asked.

"Captain didn't go to school. They assembled his at O.C.S. out of spare body parts of dead G.I.s." he jokingly answered.

"You gotta pay attention to detail," Caparzo butted in, "I know where he's from and exactly what he did cause I pay attention to detail."

"Hey Upham, careful you don't step in the bullshit." Jackson said, over hearing Caparzo's lie.

"Parker, what'd you guess?" Upham asked.

"I said he was a cop. Get moving Corporal." She told him noticing they were the last two left behind.

They hid behind another wall.

"Thunder!" a man yelled.

"Thunder, or we will fire on you!"

The reply they got was in French. Upham followed Captain's orders and told the civilians to show themselves. They did as told.

They ran over to ask them questions. Wade set down the injured man against a wall and headed over to see if any of them were hurt. Desiree stopped him.

"What?" he said, giving her a confused look.

She shook her head. "Something's not right. Stay down. I'll tell you if any of them need help."

He walked back over to the injured man and lit a cigarette for him. She looked back over to see the civilian man handing down one of his children.

"No, no, no." Miller tried telling him. "We can't take the kids."

It was no use. The man ignored all of them. Caparzo ran up and grabbed the little girl from her father.

"Caparzo, what're you doing?" she yelled.

"Are you nuts? Listen to the Captain!" Horvath told him.

Caparzo handed the girl his dog tags as Miller began screaming demands for Caparzo to give the girl back.

"I can't she reminds me of my niece, sir." Caparzo said, heading down the pile of debris he was on and towards the Captain.

Miller took the girl from Caparzo and handed her to a Sergeant. A second later, there was a shot and Caparzo fell on top of a broken piano before stumbling around and falling to his back.

"Cover!" a few people yelled as they all crouched and hid.

She was right next to Wade who was even paler than he usually was.

"I wouldn't venture out there fellas! This sniper's got talent!" Jackson informed the group.

The girl's parents began calling for her. Upham tried to comfort the frightened little girl who was crying even more than before. Jackson snuck around the building to get a shot at the sniper.

"Captain," Caparzo called out.

"Hold on Caparzo." He answered.

"Help me up. I can walk. I can walk." Caparzo explained.

"Caparzo stay still!" Wade yelled.

She peeked up for a second, but quickly sat back down. Caparzo was surrounded by a growing puddle of blood.

"Captain, can you see him from there? How is he?" Wade shouted his fear obvious in his tone.

"Wade you stay put!" Miller commanded.

"Where's he shot Captain?" Wade yelled, standing up.

"Wade, no!" she yelled, reaching for his bag to pull him back down. She missed.

"Captain, can you see him from there?" He yelled, standing in plain view.

"You stay there!" Miller shouted.

"Damn it. Stay down." A man said, pulling Wade back to the ground next to Desiree. "What's the matter with you? Am I gunna take care of you if you get hit? Huh?"

Wade looked like he was on the verge of tears. Desiree noticed how badly she was shaking. She wanted hold Wade down to make sure he wouldn't stand up again, but didn't want anyone to suspect her of anything.

"Copy it." Caparzo yelled. "Copy it and send it for me. It's got blood…It's…It's…It's to my dad. It's got blood on it."

She cringed at those words. Caparzo knew he wasn't in good shape. Another shot rang out.

"We got 'em. Stay down." Mellish said.

Wade ran as fast as he could to Caparzo, with Desiree close behind.

"How bad is it?" Mellish asked him.

"Chest, maybe lung shot." He replied.

They all knew it was too late. Wade pulled a blanket from his bag as Miller walked over.

"That's why we can't take children." He explained, bending down and ripping off on of Caparzo's tags.

Desiree was holding back tears. Caparzo was gone so fast, just like Johnson. She didn't want to break down in front of the men. She had to remember where she was and who she was supposed to be. Wade placed the blanket over Caparzo as she began helping Horvath do an ammo check before they continued on with one less man.


	4. Chapter 7 and 8

She followed close behind Reiben and Mellish as they continued through the village trying to find any information on Ryan. They ran into a few other men who sent them towards Captain Hamill. She looked behind at Wade who was expressionless. The girl on the inside wanted to hug him, but the soldier on the outside told her to keep moving. So she did. They decided to wait in an alley way while one soldier was sent to find Hamill.

"You guys just flake out here for a while." The man in charge of the other unit said. "Let me get this goddamn hitchhiker out of my boot."

He set down on a pile of debris and knocked over a plank of wood. It landed with a thud against the brick wall of the building behind him and they all watched in shock as it collapsed. What was more shocking was what was inside. About ten German soldiers were inside shouting. Both sides drew their weapons.

Desiree aimed her gun at one guy in a corner who seemed to have locked his eye on her too. Everyone was screaming. She couldn't even tell what was being said in English anymore. All she focused on was her finger on the trigger and the man in front of her who was red-faced from yelling. She could feel her heart in her throat. She gripped her rifle and began to squeeze the trigger when shots rang out above them and she dropped to the ground for cover. A moment later, everyone was silent. She looked up and all of the German soldiers were dead.

"Clear up!" someone yelled.

"Clear down!" The man who knocked the plank over yelled back.

The German soldiers who weren't dead could be heard moaning. Wade ran inside to do what he could for the dying men.

She stood up from the mud, which was quickly washed away by the nickel sized raindrops that had been continuously falling for a good hour. She could never have helped the enemy, especially after what they had done to Caparzo. She guessed that was why Wade was a medic and she wasn't. A man came running down the stairs behind them and introduced himself as Captain Hamill. Miller asked him about Ryan and he told them where they could find them. He had his men gather their things before they took them to finally find this guy and get him home. She walked over to Wade who was the only one trying to help the men. She didn't want to do what she was about to but something made her.

"Anything I can do?" she asked him as he stuck some morphine into a soldier's leg.

"Sure. Here, give that guy some morphine. Two is he's really bad." He said tossing her two caps of the drug.

She walked over to the man on the ground. It was the one who was aiming at her. She held up the two vials to show him his options. He held up two fingers. She stuck him in the leg with one and waited a second. He looked at her and nodded for her to put the other one in. She did. She stood back up and began to walk away.

"Parker, you're hit." Wade said from behind her.

"What?" She laughed confusedly.

"You're shot. Your arm." He said standing up.

She didn't feel anything until she looked down at her right arm. Her whole sleeve was stained red and it suddenly hit her. It felt like someone had a knife in her arm and was moving it around. She grabbed her arm from the pain and began to feel dizzy. She felt the blood rush from her brain as everything went black. Someone caught her before she hit her head on the ground as she passed out.

"Shit. Jackson come here!" Wade yelled.

Jackson ran over, lit cigarette in his mouth.

"Jesus, what happened to Parker?" he said. The cigarette fell to the ground with a hiss.

"He got shot. Just in the arm, he'll be fine. Help me carry him over there." He said.

"If he's fine, why does he look dead?" Jackson asked.

"He's not dead Jackson. He passed out. Probably a mixture of shock, pain, and the sight of blood. Happens a lot." Wade explained as he lifted Parker's head and Jackson his feet.

"Hold on," he said taking Parker's helmet off and throwing it to the ground.

"Something is on the back of his head."

They set James Parker back on the ground. Wade searched the back of Parker's head and pulled out a piece of metal. He held it up for Jackson to see.

"That's a bobby pin," Jackson said. "My mama has tons of those."

Wade set it down and pulled out ten more.

"What the hell…" Jackson said under his breath as he watched the process.

"Oh my god." Wade said as he looked at Parker and realized something for the first time.

"Parker's a girl." Jackson said, his eyes wider than ever.

Reiben walked over to them to see what was going on. Acting unsurprised he looked down and said to the men,

"I always thought Parker would make a pretty girl."

Wade remembered what they had been doing. He grabbed his bag from behind him.

"Jackson, take her jacket off. I need to find the bullet and take it out." He said, getting medical supplies out.

"I'm not going to do that Wade. I haven't even bought her flowers yet." He joked.

"Just do it." Wade called back.

Jackson did as he was told.

"So that's how she hid those." Jackson said, taking off her jacket only to find another underneath.

"What?" Wade turned around.

"Her…you know. Lady parts." Jackson said, removing the other jacket so only her shirt remained.

"That's what I would do." Wade said grabbing Parker's arm and beginning his work.

"Shit, here comes the Captain." Jackson said, standing up to block the scene.

"Sir, are we movin' out yet? I can smell Ryan from here." Jackson said, trying to distract him.

"In a minute Jackson, calm down. What happened to Parker?" he said, walking past Jackson and closer to where Parker lay on the ground.

"And why is he a girl?" Captain Miller said, his voice indicating his confusion.

"I'm guessing she was born like that, sir." Jackson answered in all seriousness.

"Thanks…thank you Jackson. I didn't know that. This…" He said, sighing. "Is just what we need. I better to go home after this bullshit is over. Upham!" He yelled, "Upham!"

"Yes, sir?" Upham called running towards them.

"I need you to write a letter Lieutenant Colonel Anderson to inform him that James Parker is not who we thought she was."

"She, sir?" Upham asked.

Miller pointed to the left where Wade was just pulling out the bullet. Upham's jaw fell with surprise as he saw the long, brown hair that belonged to the soldier. He thought for a second.

"Sir, pardon my asking but why can't we just let her stay?" he asked.

"Because Corporal, women are not supposed to be on the front lines shooting and being shot at. She should be in school or working somewhere safe at home." Miller told him.

"But, sir, this was obviously her choice and if we had never found out it wouldn't have made a difference." Upham said.

"Upham, write the damn letter. Jackson, Reiben, come help the other unit get their shit together. I want to get Ryan and get out of here. And Wade, fix her arm and then wake her up somehow. Meet us in the town." He commanded before walking back towards Captain Hamill's men.

"There goes our runner again." Reiben said, following Miller.

"You need any more help Wade?" Jackson asked.

"No. I think I got it." He said.

Jackson grabbed his rifle off the ground and headed towards everyone else. Upham turned to leave also but Wade stopped him.

"Upham. Don't bother writing that letter." He told him.

"The Captain just told me to." Upham said, confused.

"I know, but don't bother. He's going to change his mind. Parker's staying with us." He said as he finished putting the bandage around her arm.

Upham looked at him for a second and then down at Parker.

"Okay, but if Captain's upset, it's your ass on the line not mine." He said with a smile.

Wade laughed as Upham left too. He needed to wake her up but how? He grabbed his canteen and threw some water on her face. Nothing.

"Hey!" he yelled.

Still nothing. He was just going to have to wait it out.

* * *

><p>She began to wake up, and realizing the odd silence, opened her eyes. She was lying on the ground. She went to get up but fell back down in pain as she tried to use her right arm. She suddenly remembered what had happened.<p>

"You're going to have to refrain from using that arm for probably week." A voice said from behind her.

She forced herself up and turned around to see Wade. He began putting some supplies back in his bag. She looked down at her arm and noticed it was bandaged up.

"Thanks." She said to him.

"Your charade is pretty much ruined." He laughed.

"Charade?" she asked looking at him.

He looked up and pointed to the side of his head. She didn't understand his gesture for a second before she noticed a tickling feeling on her shoulders. Her hair was down. She thought she felt her heart stop. Her jackets were off too. She reached for the one with the most blood on it and threw it into a pile of debris before putting her other one on. It was no use trying to hide herself now, she thought. She knew Miller was going to send her home.

"If it makes you feel any better, I always thought you looked a little too feminine." Wade said, standing up and putting his bag back on.

She wanted to say something but she didn't know what. All she could think of was how she was going to be sent home and the past four months would have been just a waste when they sent Jimmy anyways. Wade walked over and held out his hand for her. She grabbed it with her left arm and he helped her up.

"How pissed is the Captain?" she asked, letting go of his hand.

"Don't worry about him," he said. "He makes decisions based on what's best for the mission and you're the only runner we have right now. He's going to let you stay…if that's what you want anyways." He said looking her in the eyes.

She noticed for the first time that his eyes were brown.

"I'm not going to leave if that's what you're implying. I've gotten this far and I'm not leaving at least until we find this guy and get him back to his mom. I don't care if the Captain agrees or not. I'll be in trouble if I stay or if I go anyways." She said as Wade picked her helmet off the ground and handed it to her.

"Do you want your bobby pins back?" he said, reaching into his pocket and taking them out.

She took them from him and dropped them on the ground.

"Why bother now?" she said.

He laughed.

"I'll carry your rifle. Let's get going. The rest of the guys already headed off towards the other units camp to find Ryan. I think we might've found him."

They walked in the direction Miller and the others had headed until they found the camp. Everyone was standing around talking and she suddenly felt like running and hiding in a hole. Everyone knew now. Her long hair was a dead giveaway. She tried not to make eye contact with anyone and stayed close to Wade.

"Hey Parker." Someone said.

She turned to see Mellish, cigarette in hand leaning against a tree.

"It was nice knowin' ya." He laughed.

They all stopped what they were doing and watched as a man ran towards the two Captains who were standing at the front of the group.

"Here comes our boy." Reiben said.

The man ran past them, keeping his eyes forward.

"Told you he was an asshole."

They continued watching as Captain Miller sat the man down and explained to him the situation. She felt as rush of emotions. She was happy because they had found Ryan and no one else would have to lose their life for him, sad because she felt bad for the guy, and angry because her disguise had been shattered.

"My brothers are still in grammar school." They heard Ryan say.

She moved forward, so she could hear the conversation better.

"You're James Ryan?" Captain Miller asked.

"Yeah." Ryan said. He was crying.

"James Francis Ryan from Iowa?" Miller asked.

"James Frederick Ryan, Minnesota." Ryan told him.

It felt like a slap across the face. This wasn't the right Ryan. She turned around, disappointed, and walked towards the steps outside the nearest building. Wade, Jackson, and Mellish followed. They sat down.

"Well, this is fucking great." Mellish said, leaning against a wall.

"I had a feeling it wasn't him, we couldn't get that lucky." Wade said.

Their silence was an agreement.

"How's your arm doing Parker?" Jackson asked, throwing all of the attention to her.

"It hurts like hell." She told him truthfully.

"Is Parker even your real name?" Reiben said, joining them.

She looked up at him.

"Yeah."

"You sure don't look like a James though." Mellish said.

"Parker was a James too?" Reiben asked. "I'm going to have to start keeping track of how many of those I've met so far."

She laughed.

"It's my brother's name."

"Well, what's yours?" Mellish demanded.

She noticed that they were all staring at her, waiting for an answer she didn't want to give. No longer would she be Parker. She wouldn't be a part of the unit anymore. Just another tag along, pain in the ass like Upham.

"Desiree." She told them.

"Like the song." Upham said with a nod.

"What song?" Jackson asked.

"John Philip Sousa wrote it. It's an opera." Wade said.

She glanced over at him with a quizzical look on her face.

"How did you know that?" she said with a laugh.

"My mom used to play the record of it over and over when I was a kid." He said smiling straight ahead, lost in a memory.

"Well, it's nice to meet you Desiree." Jackson said.

"Just Desi." She said, turning her head back in time to see Captain Miller wave her over.

"Why?" he asked.

"If you guys aren't going to call me Parker anymore, at least keep it to two syllables." She said, standing up and walking over to the Captain.


	5. Chapter 9 and 10

She was abruptly thrown out of her sleep by the ringing of the phone. She reached over and grabbed it.

"Hello?" she answered, startled.

"Bonjour Madame. C'est l'appel que vous avez demandé à la réception. C'est huit heures." A French woman replied.

It was the wake-up call she had requested.

"Merci. Merci. S'il vous plaît appeler un taxi pour moi à dix heures." She said, asking for a taxi in two hours.

She knew just enough French to communicate what it was she needed.

"Très bien Madame. Passez une excellente journée." The woman said hanging up the phone.

She, too, put the phone back on the receiver. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, trying to push away the dream she had had last night, the dream that was actually a memory. She remembered what today was and felt her stomach flip. Today she would see Reiben for the first time in 37 years, but he would be exactly where she never wanted to see him, in a casket, in France. She always had regretted not meeting up with him over the years to catch up, but as she showered and put on her black dress, regret turned to remorse.

She did her hair and makeup, grabbed her purse, put on her heels and headed to wait in the hotel lobby. Her taxi wouldn't be there for twenty more minutes.

She noticed a man leaving his room too, but he was kissing, who she assumed to be his wife, goodbye. She locked her door and turned to go down the hallway, passing them as she did so.

"Come back right after the service, okay James? We'll go out for lunch before heading back home. "She overheard the woman say.

"Maybe we'll stay a little while longer. The weather here is a lot nicer than in Minnesota." The man told her, before he too headed down the hallway.

James. Minnesota. She didn't turn around because she didn't want to be right. She didn't want the man behind her to be James Francis Ryan. She continued down the hall until she reached the lobby. No one else was in there. She sat on a small couch near the door and looked out the window, trying to avoid any contact with the man she might know. From the corner of her eye, she saw the figure of the man sit in a chair directly across from her.

She couldn't wait for her taxi.

"Did you know Richard?" the man asked.

She looked down at her purse in her lap as she answered him.

"Um...Yes, from a while ago. We…."she paused, "we worked together."

"I just assumed you were going to the same place as me, seeing as you're all dressed in black." he told her. "The scar on your arm was a pretty big hint too Desi."

She looked up in disbelief. The man was Ryan. She smiled, knowing she couldn't hide from her past anymore today and happy to see that the man she had risked her life for was still alive and had the decency to show up.

"I had forgotten it was there." She laughed.

He laughed too.

"How have you been?" he asked her.

"I've been well. I'm a grandma now." She said. She never thought she would be able to say that.

"Yeah, I'm a grandpa." He laughed.

They chatted for a while about the past few years and how different the world had become until Desi looked out and saw a taxi waiting outside.

"We're going to the same place I believe." She told him, standing up. "Don't worry about another taxi. I'm sure I won't need one all to myself."

"Oh. That works then." He said, standing up too. "Desi, I didn't see you after…everything, so I never got a chance to say something to you."

"You don't have to say anything." She said.

"No. I do, damn it. All of you risked your lives for mine and what have I repaid you with? Absolutely nothing. But thank you." He said, walking up to her. "Thank you for giving me a chance to have a family and to live to this day. If your company had never helped with Ramelle, I surely wouldn't be standing here talking to you right now."

She didn't know what to say. He put his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. She hugged him back. Surprisingly, it felt good to hear those words from him. It would never make up for the pain they had suffered, but it was nice to hear he cared. He wasn't an arrogant beast like she had once thought him to be.

They walked out to the taxi together, and headed towards the cemetery.

* * *

><p>"Parker." Miller said in monotone as she approached him.<p>

"Yes, sir?" she replied, scared of what he was going to tell her.

He looked around and noticed one of the men from Hamill's group staring at her.

"Here, in here." He said turning and walking into one of the half destroyed buildings.

There was a small kitchen table and a few strewn chairs among the debris that was once someone's house.

"Sit down." He told her.

She did as he said, as he sat down too.

"You already know what I'm going to ask, don't you?" He asked.

"Yeah," she said, "Why."

"Yes Parker, why?"

"It wasn't in my plans Captain. Months ago I was at home when a letter came in the mail for my brother."

"Your brother is the real James." He said, taking off his helmet and setting it on the table.

"Yeah." She said. "Sir, I couldn't let him leave. He has a son and a wife and I wasn't going to let him be taken away from that. My nephew, Jacob, he needs his father around, not his Aunt."

"What is your name?" he asked her.

"Desiree, sir." She told him.

"Desiree, think about your mother and father. Think how worried they must be for you. Think about how guilty your brother probably feels because you're here in his place."

"I understand that sir, and I have thought about it constantly. I know in the end though, this is for the best. Jacob has his father and his mother there to raise him and I'm sure my parents will be able to accept my decision one day and if not, well, that's too bad I guess." She said, noticing the sudden feeling of homesickness she felt as she spoke of her family.

The thought of her parents not forgiving her made her feel uncomfortable too.

Miller rubbed his eyes with his hands, trying to wipe away the stress and lack of sleep.

"I don't know how you did it," he began, "and I don't want to know. But you are the most foolish…" he stopped and looked at her.

She looked at him, no emotion on her face.

"And the bravest girl I have ever met Desiree."

She smiled.

"Thank you sir."

"I'm not done yet, Parker." He said.

Her smile disappeared. This was the part where he was going to send her home.

"I should have you sent home right now. You do understand the consequences of your decision, I'm sure?" he asked.

"Yes, sir." She said. "Federal prison is probably on the top of the list."

"Yes, Parker. Federal prison. There's a reason women aren't supposed to be out here. Putting a pretty girl in the middle of a bunch of soldiers is like putting a steak in front of a starving dog. If you then tell that dog to fetch, he's going to have a hard time concentrating on fetching while keeping his eyes on the steak. Do you understand the metaphor?"

She blushed.

"Yes, sir."

She never had thought of herself as pretty before.

"I'm sure with my men though, we won't have to worry about that too much. If they give you any problems, just come to me." He said.

Her jaw dropped.

"You're letting me stay?" she asked, shocked.

"If that's what you want. There are two other options. You put your hair back up and I have you sent home for being too young, or you leave your hair down and you can go to federal prison."

He picked up his helmet and brushed the dirt off of it before putting it back on.

She thought for a moment about what she wanted to do. In her heart, she already knew though.

"I'm staying sir" she told him.

He stood up from the old table and pushed the chair in.

"I thought you'd say that Parker. Go back with the men and get some rest. You're going to need that arm to heal quickly."

She stood up too.

"Thank you so much sir. And I'm sorry, really, for any problems this creates." She told him.

He nodded and took out a map and compass from his jacket.

She turned and headed out, back to the group that was waiting on the stairs for her.


	6. Chapter 11 and 12

"So, you going to jail or what Parker?" laughed Mellish as Desiree sat back down on the stairs with them.

She laughed.

"No, I'm staying."

"Captain is letting you stay?" Upham said, surprised.

"Yeah, he said it was up to me and this is what I want." She told them.

Reiben suddenly stood up and walked away. She didn't know what she had said wrong.

"Don't mind him," Jackson said. "He's from Brooklyn."

"He's just pissed because you turned down the opportunity to go home and the rest of us don't even get to choose." Mellish explained to her.

"Trust me, I would rather be at home." She said.

"Then why did you choose to stay?" Wade asked her, breaking his silence.

There was more than one reason why she had chosen not to go home.

"If I go back now, they'll still send my brother out here and all of this would have just been a huge waste of time. If I stay and do something and keep my brother at home with his son, then it's worth every minute." She told him.

"Is it worth your life?" Upham asked.

She looked at him.

"Every second of it." She said.

They were all silent for a few minutes, lost in their thoughts.

Sergeant Horvath walked over, interrupting them.

"Mellish, Jackson, you two grab Reiben and go help Hamill's guys gather ammo before we move out. Upham, go with Smith and Thompson over there," he said, pointing to two men, one a medic. "See if there are any hurt civilians."

Mellish, Jackson, and Upham picked up their things and went to do as they were told without a word.

"Wade, Hamill's got a few medics so you can stay here. Probably best to copy the uh…letter." He said cringing at the thought of Caparzo's sudden death and the blood-stained letter he had held in his hand.

"And Parker," he said, "you look sick. Get some rest until we figure out what's going on so you have that arm working as soon as possible."

"Yes, sir." She said as he turned to go back to his conversation with an obscenely tall soldier.

Wade, who was one step above her, took a piece of paper out of his jacket. It was covered in blood. He looked at it for a second before opening it and trying to comprehend the blood-stained words Caparzo had written to his parents. She glanced up at him and saw the regret in his eyes. She knew what he was thinking. If Miller would've just let him run over and help him, Caparzo might still be alive. He was partially blaming himself.

She didn't know what to say. She remembered the moment when Wade had stood up to see Caparzo and the complete fear she had felt when she had tried to pull him back down.

"You do look sick." He said, bringing her back to the present. "Drink some water. You lost some blood."

She unclipped her canteen from her bag and drank the small amount that was remaining. She put the cap back on and turned to him.

"Thanks for getting the bullet out and everything." She said, looking at the slight blood stain seeping through the bandage around her arm. It hurt to move even the slightest amount.

"Yeah, well, thanks for trying to save my life."

She froze. He had noticed when she had tried to stop him from standing up back in the town.

"I thought I might've been able to help Caparzo, but he was shot in the lung. There was nothing I could do to stop that kind of bleeding. I shouldn't have stood up like that. That was stupid." He quietly laughed.

"It wasn't stupid," she told him. "It just wasn't worth your life."

"Yeah." He said.

She could hear self-doubt in his voice. She wanted to prove to him that it wasn't but she didn't know how.

"You know, I first noticed something was off about you back at the beach when you tried smoking and almost choked to death." He laughed.

"Shut up." She laughed too.

"And then it was your eyes. They're too pretty to belong to any guy." He said, looking at her eyes.

She thought she felt her heart stop. Had he really just said that? She smiled, trying not to blush.

He began to laugh,

"And then when you passed out, I definitely knew something was up. I've only seen men pass out when they've lost too much blood."

She laughed again.

"I guess it just freaked me out. I didn't even know I'd been hit until you told me. I didn't feel anything." She said.

"Adrenaline does that. You were too focused on everything else than your arm so you didn't feel it. It works the same way for love and stuff too. You're too busy thinking about other things around you until one morning you wake up and it hits you in the face and you wonder how you never knew." He said before noticing he was being called over by Miller. He folded the letter and put it back in his jacket before running over to see what he was needed for.

She thought about what he had said, and hated how she knew exactly what he was talking about.

* * *

><p>"Desi" she heard someone yell.<p>

She opened her eyes and instantly sat up. It was Jackson. She must've fallen asleep waiting for everyone.

"Finally." He laughed, putting out his hand to help her stand up.

She grabbed it, and he pulled her up.

"We're moving into a church for a few hours." He said as he bent down and grabbed her rifle for her.

"Thanks." She said taking it from him. "Did you say a church?"

"Yeah, it's the only building with a roof left in this place. We're only going to be there for a little while to get some sleep. Come on, it's this way." He said as they began to walk.

"Where are we heading to next?" She asked him.

"From what I could gather, a plane went down a few hours east of here and there's a bunch of airbornes injured. We're going to see if Ryan's there. If you ask me though, I still think this whole thing is bullshit." He said.

"And if he's not there, we're just going to keep risking our lives walking through France to find him? This Ryan better not be an asshole." She said as she began realizing the small chance they actually had at finding this guy,

They stood in front of the church. It was a beautiful stone one that could probably fit close to two hundred people inside.

"The guys are all in there except for Upham. He's still with Hamill's men doing something and the Captain's over there with Sarge." Jackson said, pointing over at Miller and Horvath who were hunched over a piece of paper she assumed was another map.

They walked into the church to see Wade and Mellish lighting several candles they had set up around the place. It was getting darker outside by the second, and she hadn't noticed until then that it was so late. She must've slept for two or three hours. She set her bag and rifle down in a far corner of the room and watched as Upham walked in and set his things down a few feet away from hers. He sat down and pulled out a pen and some paper.

"Upham, how can you write that bullshit after everything that happened today?" Mellish asked as he lit the last candle and sat down.

Wade walked over to a pew where he had set down his things earlier.

"Everything that happened today was a great example of brotherhood." Upham said, not taking his eyes off of his paper.

"You don't know shit about brotherhood, asshole. Caparzo didn't die so you could write about it in your stupid little book, okay?" Mellish said standing up in his rage.

Reiben stood up too, but only to hold Mellish back. What probably would've ended with Upham severely injured was stopped when Horvath and Miller walked in.

"What's going on?" Horvath demanded.

Mellish sat back down.

"Nothing, sir. Just discussion." Jackson answered from where he was laying down, using his bag as a pillow.

"All of you stop running your mouths and get some sleep. We only have a few hours before we leave and if you don't close your eyes, you're going to regret it." Horvath said, following Miller up a few stairs and setting their stuff down where the church organ probably once stood.

She sat down in a pew thinking it was probably more comfortable than the stone floor and listened as the men talked about being drafted and what they had done before. Reiben worked in a shop his mother owned and was going to go to law school and Jackson had worked on his parent's farm, which sounded beautiful from the way he had described it. She wanted to hear from Wade but he was busy rewriting Caparzo's letter so it was eligible.

"So Parker, how did you sneak in anyways?"Reiben asked. "I mean, it's been months now and we're the first ones to find out that you're a woman?"

She explained how she had been able to skip the physical examination because her brother had recently been checked at a local hospital and they had the record on file. Then she told them about the barber who had helped her hide her hair.

"I wish he would've just cut it off." She said, untangling a few knots in it.

"We still would've found out." Mellish said. "You look too girly and we probably would've given you shit about it at one point or another." He laughed.

` "I don't know how he does it." Reiben said, looking at Jackson who was fast asleep on the floor.

"What's that?" Mellish asked.

"Falls asleep like that." Reiben said. "I mean look at him. The guy's lights out the minute his head hits the pack."

"Clear conscience." Mellish replied.

"Yeah, what's that saying? 'If Gods on our side, who the hell could be on theirs?'" Reiben asked.

"If God be for us, who could be against us?" Upham said, speaking for the first time since the small argument.

"Yeah, what did I say?" Reiben said.

"Well, actually the trick to falling asleep is trying to stay awake." Wade said, looking up from his writing for the first time.

"How is that Wade?" Mellish asked.

"Well, when my mother was an intern, she used to work late through the night, sleep through the day. So the only time that we ever got to talk about anything was when she'd get home. So what I used to do, I used to lie in my bed and try to stay awake as long as I could, but it never worked 'cause the harder I tried the faster I'd fall asleep." Wade said, beginning to laugh at the memory.

Desiree smiled when he did. She had only seen him smile a few times and it was nice to hear his laugh.

"Yeah, well that would've mattered none in my house." Reiben said. "My ma, she would've come home, shook me awake, and chatted me up till dawn. I swear that woman was never too tired to talk."

"Yeah, that's probably the only time she could get a word in." Mellish said, lighting his cigarette.

Reiben made a kissing sound at Mellish who did the same.

Desiree laughed as she remembered a moment earlier when Caparzo and Mellish had shared a similar moment. It was hard to believe he was gone.

"Funny thing is, sometimes she'd come home early, and I'd pretend to be asleep." Wade said, smile faded.

"Who? Your- your mom?" Mellish asked.

"Yeah." He said. "She'd stand in the doorway looking at me. And I would just keep my eyes shut. And I knew she just wanted to find out about my day, that she came home early…just to talk to me."

Desiree could hear the sadness in his voice and see the tears in his eyes as he talked about his mother. She began to desperately miss her mother too. The others listened, feeling the same pain Wade felt.

"And I still wouldn't move." Wade continued. "I'd still pretend to just be asleep. I don't know why I did that."

She felt the burning tears falls from her eyes that she had struggled so hard to keep inside. She turned her head so no one would see.

Captain Miller walked over and told them to go to sleep before talking with Upham for a few minutes and then heading back up the stairs.

She couldn't stop the tears as she lay down in the pew. She could hear the sound of explosions of a battle going on many miles away, but knew it wasn't loud enough to cover up her crying. She sat up, seeing that everyone's eyes were closed before quietly getting up and walking out the front door. She sat on a bench in front of the church and began to really cry.

She missed her parents. She regretted the times she had said hurtful things to her mother, wishing she could go back and erase those times. She was crying for Caparzo and remembering his last minutes, as he lay in his own blood, the raining pouring down, and knowing he wasn't going to make it. She was crying for Johnson, whose life had also been taken away. She was crying because she was scared. She remembered the faces and the screaming of the German soldiers that had encountered earlier that day and how she had helped the man who may have well been the one who had shot her. She cried because of something she was beginning to realize and how much she hated that it had to happen here of all places.


	7. Chapter 13

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath before contemplating going back inside. She didn't want the others to know she had been crying because she didn't want to seem weak. She was already being treated differently because she was a girl. She knew they would be moving out soon though, so she stood up and silently walked back into the huge stone church. She looked around as she snuck back to her pew. Miller was looking out a window, and everyone else was asleep. Or so she thought. As she sat back down she noticed that Wade was awake and giving her a worried look. She shook her head to assure him that she was alright before lying down and waiting for Miller to wake them up.

"Okay, everyone up. Let's go, let's go." Horvath instructed.

She had no idea what time it was, probably hours from dawn seeing as it was still pitch black outside. They all wearily got up and picked up their things.

"Upham, I'd like to read some of your book sometime." She said, stopping by him as he gathered his things.

She had been thinking about how terribly everyone had been treating him and felt obligated to be the one person who would put a smile on his face, even if she was lying while doing so.

He laughed, probably sensing her lie, and continued to pack his things.

She walked away and followed as Miller led them outside.

"How far are we walkin' today?" Jackson said, joining the group and putting on his helmet.

"Far enough." Miller said. "Keep talking to a minimum until we get there. Eyes open, guns ready. We're still close to enemy territory."

The bombs sounding in the distance proved his words to be true. They began walking in line formation. Horvath was behind Miller, Reiben behind Horvath, Jackson behind Reiben, then Mellish, Wade, Desi, and Upham.

She could hear Mellish humming, but didn't know what song it was. She glanced around to make sure Upham was still behind her and hadn't fallen in a hole or something. When she turned back around she almost ran into Wade who had slowed down drastically and fallen far behind Mellish.

"What're you doing?" she asked, quietly, stepping a few steps faster so they were side by side.

"Where'd you go last night?" he asked, looking at her.

His eyes made her want to tell him everything. She wanted to tell him how she had broken down and cried and she wanted to tell him how he made her feel. But she couldn't.

"I went to the bathroom." She replied, looking the opposite direction where she thought she heard a noise.

He laughed.

"For half an hour? I don't think so."

She didn't know what to say.

"You know, we're all scared Desi." He whispered.

She felt her throat swell up with sadness at his words. She wanted to turn to him and hug him. She wanted to cry in his arms and for him to tell her everything would be alright. It hurt that she couldn't. It hurt that she felt this way here, in the middle of a war.

She was silent for a moment.

"You never told me what FUBAR means." She said, remembering his assurance to explain.

He laughed again and she smiled.

He leaned over so no one else could hear.

"Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition." He whispered. "Don't tell Upham. We're going to see if he can figure it out."

"Okay." She laughed.

He quickened his pace for a moment to get back to his original place in line.

She went over FUBAR again and again in her head, despising how perfectly it described everything so far.

They continued to walk as the sun rose over the grassy fields. The sounds of explosions had since quieted. She began to notice the pain in her arm had diminished significantly since the day before when she looked up and saw Miller and Horvath signaling them to get down. She fell to the dirt with the others and bit her cheek to keep from crying out in pain as she felt her wound get ripped open.

"Ich dachte ich sah etwas dort druben." She heard from farther ahead.

"He thought he saw something."

She jumped. Upham was right next to her.

"Don't move. You'll get us killed." She whispered.

"Es war wohl ihre phantasie." A man said.

"It was probably his imagination." Upham translated.

She watched as the two German soldiers came into view. Both of them were huge beasts of men. It was strange that they were so far away from the rest of their infantry.

"Was hast du gesehen?" the second man said.

"Es sah aus wie…"

The eruption of bullets stopped the man mid-sentence and they both fell to the ground.

"Clear!" Jackson yelled.

They all stood up and ran over to the men, both of whom were bleeding profusely.

"What the hell are these two doing out here?" Horvath asked.

"Probably ran away as the rest of their guys got slaughtered by ours." Reiben said, bending down next to one of the men.

They checked the bodies for anything of use, but only found a few grenades and a package of gum. They decided it was best to keep going and began walking again, but in more of a circular formation. Wade and Upham were in the middle and she was now next to Reiben and Mellish.

"So Parker, you got any boyfriends back home?" Reiben asked, not bothering to take his cigarette out of his mouth to do so.

"No." She laughed.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Probably because they all look like you." Mellish joked.

They all laughed, even the Captain.

"Leave her alone, Reiben." Miller called back.

'I'm just askin' Captain. Hey, are we gettin' any closer to this place anyways?"

"Reiben, I think every time you ask that we get farther away." Wade said.

"I think you're right Doc." Reiben replied.

It seemed like forever before they stopped in front of an old, abandoned house. The white paint on the outside was peeling and most of the windows were broken. They carefully surveyed the outside and inside of the property.

"Oh my god!" Jackson yelled from one of the second story rooms.

They all grabbed their weapons out of practice and listened carefully in case Jackson was hurt or in trouble.

"Jackson?" Miller yelled.

They heard running footsteps and watched as Jackson ran down the stairs.

"Captain, there's beds up there." He said.

They all fell at ease and looked at him, confused.

"When was the last time any of you slept in a bed?" he asked.

Honestly, Desiree couldn't remember the last time. It was probably in basic training. No one else could remember either.

"Well, it is going to be getting dark soon. I guess it wouldn't hurt, but we're still moving out early so don't goof around." Miller said.

"What'd you mean, we're staying here?" Reiben asked.

"For a few hours, yes. Enjoy it while you can because tomorrow I can guarantee there will be no beds where we're staying." He said.

He and Horvath continued to survey the house as the men rushed upstairs.

She laughed to herself at the ridiculousness of the situation. Here were a bunch of grown men, happier than ever, just because of some mattresses. She walked up after them. It was strange how much having nothing made you appreciate the joy of sleeping in a bed.


	8. Chapter 14

**Before Chapter 14 begins, I just want to apologize for not posting for a while. I have had all of this written for about a month I just never got a chance to post it. Please forgive me and I hope I haven't lost any readers! I promise not to take so long anymore now that finals are over :) Please enjoy!**

There were five beds in the house and one sofa. They would have to decide who would get to sleep comfortably and who would have to suffer on the floor once again. Desiree could've cared less. She was more worried about the possibility of more stray Nazis finding them than a little back ache. Either way, she wasn't going to sleep very well. Though he tried to protest, they decided to give Captain Miller a bed, since he was allowing them to stay there in the first place. Horvath was getting the sofa upon his request, which they didn't argue. Jackson also got a bed because he was the one who had found them and suggested the idea. Reiben laid down on one right as he saw it, and refused to get up. They tossed a coin for the other two. Wade got one, and so did Desiree, leaving Upham and Mellish on the floor. Desiree gave up her mattress, with much objection from the rest of the group, for the two men to fight over. They flipped the coin again and Upham won. She had kind of wanted him too, still feeling guilty for the way he had been treated so far. She had wished there would be a working shower, but was disappointed. She hated being completely filthy. One the other hand, no one stank anymore because they all smelled the same. They had gotten used to bad smells since the good ones were rare. War made everything seem backwards. After the beds were sorted out, they all headed out front where Jackson and Mellish began a small bonfire. She disapproved, concerned that the smoke would lead more Germans their way. It bothered her too that Captain Miller wasn't alarmed. They all sat around the fire as the sun went down, their rifles by their sides.

"Desi, will you relax?" Mellish said.

She had been looking around cautiously, the only one with her rifle in her hands.

"Sorry. I just would really like not to die today." She said, setting the gun down in the dewy grass.

"There shouldn't be any German infantry around here. We're closer to our men than we were earlier today when we ran into those two drifters." Captain Miller said.

"Yeah, don't be worried unless the Captain is. " Reiben replied.

She began to feel a little safer. Upham, who was next to her, was not writing for once. He hadn't spoken since thanking her for the bed earlier and she wondered if he was changing his mind on the concept of "brotherhood" or just ignoring all of them.

"This is one of the things I miss most about home." Jackson said, staring straight into the flames. "We used to have huge fires almost every night. Damn I miss that."

They were all sucked into their memories of being back home.

"I think what I miss most is a decent night of sleep." Miller said, standing up. "I think I'll try to get one tonight though. The rest of you might want to try as well. I don't know when you'll get another chance. Everyone has to be in that house within two hours. You can fight amongst yourselves about whose going to be staying up on watch tonight."

"Yes, sir." They all replied as he turned and headed back inside.

Jackson stood up too.

"Unless you guys want me to stay up, I think I'll head to sleep."

"No. Go ahead. I can do watch tonight since I'm sleeping on the floor anyways." Mellish offered.

Reiben and Horvath headed inside too, followed shortly by Upham.

Wade sat quietly, frequently checking his pocket for Caparzo's letter and his own. Mellish told them how his Aunt and Uncle had been taken to concentration camps in Germany.

"I'd do anything to know if they're okay. Hell, I'd even take on Hitler, that scumbag." He said.

"It doesn't make sense to me, what he's doing." Desiree said.

"Congratulations, you are a normal, sane person." Wade laughed.

Mellish laughed too, followed by a yawn.

"Hey Mellish, go ahead and go get some sleep. I'll do watch tonight." She said.

"Seriously? I can handle it though. You don't have to." He said.

"No, no. Go." She said. "I've gotten more rest than the rest of you lately anyways."

"Thanks." He said with a smile before standing up. "Maybe you staying with the company isn't a bad idea after all."

She laughed as he walked away.

Wade was sitting across from her, looking up at the stars. She remembered last night, how she had fallen apart. A jolt of sadness ran through her body and she stared into the fire, knowing she couldn't let that happen again.

"You should probably have told me your wound got re-opened." Wade said.

"How did you know?" She asked him.

He pointed at her arm. There was a new dried blood stain on the arm of her jacket.

"I'm guessing it hurt pretty bad." He said.

"Yeah, it did. Not as bad as actually getting shot though." She laughed.

He grabbed his bag which he had been leaning on, and began going through it. She watched as he pulled out a thing of gauze.

"Unless you want that to get infected, we should probably change it at least once a day until it's healed." He said, walking over and sitting next to her.

She took the right side of her jacket off, unveiling the blood covered bandage underneath.

"They taught you all of this at basic?" she asked him as he unwrapped the dressing.

"For the most part. I had been in med school for about a year before I got drafted too." He answered.

She looked at her gunshot wound as he took the rest of the bandage off and it didn't look as bad as she had thought.

"This is probably going to sting like hell." He said as he poured a white powder onto it.

She clenched her teeth. It stung but quickly faded away.

"Sorry." He said as he began to re-wrap the lesion.

"Don't be." She told him. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

He laughed sarcastically. She pulled her arm away from him.

"Why do you do that?" she asked him.

"Do what?" he asked.

"Why do you blame yourself when you do all you can? I saw you earlier, looking at Caparzo's letter. It's just as much your fault as it is mine. You help so much and you don't even know it Wade." She said angrily.

He looked at her and didn't say a word.

"If you hadn't seen that I had been shot, what do you think would've happened? I probably wouldn't have an arm anymore. Stop taking everything you do so lightly. The smallest things count here." She felt her anger turning into fear.

"And you almost ran over to Caparzo, knowing that that's exactly what that sniper wanted to happen. He would've shot you Wade. We would've lost both of you and I just can't…"she turned away from him as she felt tears beginning to form in her eyes.

It was quiet for a moment.

"I just feel like I should be able to do so much more. It hurts so bad that I can't." She heard the same sadness in his voice that she heard the night before.

She turned to look at him and was suddenly in his arms. She didn't know she could feel so much at once time. She was scared for her life and Wade's, she was angry at him for blaming himself, and she was unbelievably happy to have his arms wrapped around her.

She put her arms around him too.

"Fuck war." She cried into his shoulder.

She felt him crying too as they sat, enclosed in each other's arms.


	9. Chapter 15

She opened her eyes. She had fallen asleep and so had Wade. Her head was on his chest and his hand was resting on her arm. She wanted to fall back asleep to the sound of his heart but stopped herself. She carefully slid away from him and over a few feet. It had taken all of her willpower to do that. She desperately never wanted to leave that position, but knew it couldn't be risked. She couldn't let Wade find out how she really felt about him, nor anyone else. Especially the Captain. He would send her home immediately. She also didn't want to let him know because he might've felt the same way. And then what if something happened? She didn't want to think about it anymore. She rubbed her eyes which were sore from crying, and watched as the sun came up remembering all the times she had stayed up as a kid just to see the beautiful colors of the morning sky.

"Don't shoot me, Parker."

She turned around, startled by the voice. It was Jackson.

"So, I guess you guys are going to keep calling me that then?" she said, after catching her breath.

"Well, it is your name. It just seems appropriate. I don't call anyone else by their first name and you're not any different than the rest of us. Well, I guess you are physically." He said as he walked over and sat down next to her in the grass.

She laughed.

"Well, thank you."

"I mean, you're here for a different reason, but you're here all the same as the rest of us, right?" He said.

"Yeah, I am." She said, glancing back over at Wade who was still asleep. "Why aren't you still sleeping Jackson? I thought you'd be the last one to wake up."

He yawned.

"I wanted to be but I couldn't. I'm too used to not sleeping I guess. Plus it ain't too fair that you're stuck out here while the rest of us are inside sleeping. I mean, Doc's over there but he's asleep and he don't say much when he's awake anyways." Jackson said.

"I'm fine. Back at home I stayed up to watch the sunrise all the time. "She said.

They heard Captain Miller yell at the others in the house to wake up.

Jackson laughed.

"What?" She asked.

"It's like he's our mother sometimes." He said, putting out his cigarette in the dirt before standing up and heading inside.

She hadn't noticed he was smoking. It was so common that she was used to it now. She got up too and turned around. Wade was still sleeping.

"Wade." She said, loudly.

He jumped awake.

"Sorry. I think we're heading out in a few minutes." She said.

He yawned and began to get his stuff together. She watched as the other five men groggily followed behind Captain Miller. He motioned for her and Wade to come over.

"I hope everyone enjoyed that. Don't think it will be happening again anytime soon. The crash site is just up that way," he said pointing east, "When we get there, help as much as you can. If Ryan's there we're going to find him and get back to what we're supposed to be doing."

They headed off again, all of them wishing they could stay at the house and just forget about Ryan. No one said anything as the irrationality of their mission began to really sink in.

She heard men moaning as the remnants of what used to be a plane came into view. They walked through the debris and on the other side was a moderate sized camp of U.S. infantry.

"Medic! My buddy needs a tourniquet!" someone shouted.

"Wade." Miller called.

"Yes, sir?" Wade replied.

"See what you can do." Miller said.

"Yes, sir." Wade ran over to a man and began to help him.

Desiree walked over to an injured man who was leaning against an empty crate. She handed him her canteen.

"What are you doing with them?" he said.

Several other men looked over.

"Is that a woman?" another man said.

"Yes it is, Marten." A man with a huge gash across his head replied. "Hey miss. What're you doing wearing that?" He grabbed the sleeve of her jacket and didn't let go when she tried to turn away.

"Hey asshole, leave her alone."

It was Reiben. The man let go of her jacket.

"Don't touch her again. I don't care how hurt you and your buddies are, lay your dirty hands on her again and we'll kick the shit out of you, okay?"

The man said nothing. Desiree turned and walked over to Reiben.

"Thanks." She said, still uncomfortable.

"Don't worry about it. Anyone bothers you again call me or Mellish over, okay?"

"Yeah." she said, hoping she wouldn't have to.

She walked with him over to the rest of the group. They were trying to help Wade bandage up the injured infantry. She watched as Jackson handed a cigarette to a man and lit it for him. A man named Dewindt began explaining to the Captain their situation.

"Desi, here." Wade said, tossing her a roll of bandage. "Take care of that guy."

He pointed to a man who was older, probably in his forties who had a massive gouge on his shoulder.

She leaned next to him.

"I'm going to try my best with this." She said to him.

"Anything you can do is better than nothing, angel. What're you doing out here anyway?" He asked.

She began wrapping the bandage under and around his shoulder. He winced when the fabric touched the laceration.

"The same as everyone else; trying to get back home." She told him.

She stayed and helped Wade while the others followed Miller and Dewindt into the destroyed plane. Surprisingly, none of the men gave her any problems, though she knew they would've if they weren't in extreme pain. She ran out of bandage and walked back over to Wade who was giving morphine to a legless man.

"Sorry I can't do more." She told him.

"No, you're fine. Thanks. I can handle the rest if you want to go find out what's going on." He said.

She jogged over to a where Jackson, Mellish, and Reiben were gathered around a box.

"Parker, you wanna help us find Ryan?" Mellish laughed.

She looked down at their hands and saw they were full of dog tags.

"No thanks." She said, feeling the brush of metal against her chest at the remembrance of her own tags. Captain Miller walked over and began going through tags too. Looking down at her hands, she noticed they were covered in blood. She reached for her canteen to rinse them off, but remembered she had left it with the injured man. She turned to go back and get it but almost ran into Wade who was walking over to the group. He handed her a small towel before continuing to the others. She watched as he leaned over and began grabbing the dog tags.

"The whole goddamn airborne's watching." He said.

They all looked up and noticed a parade of airborne's walking past, giving the group disgusted looks.

She hadn't realized them earlier and neither had the rest. All that was beginning to matter was finding Ryan and she hated it.

"Put em' back in there." Wade demanded.

The men listened. She walked over and helped them put the tags away.

"RYAN!" someone yelled.

They looked up.

It was Captain Miller. He was in the middle of the passing Airborne's shouting for Ryan.

"I think Captain's gone crazy." Jackson said.

"Captain's been crazy." Reiben replied.

"Hey Joe! Doesn't uh, Michelson pal around with a Ryan from C Company?" someone yelled.

They stopped moving and kept their eyes and ears on the man talking to Captain Miller. They might have just found Ryan. It seemed impossible but they wanted to believe it. A man ran up to the Captain and began shouting. He had been partially deafened by a grenade explosion. They walked over to find out what was actually happening. Upham was writing Miller's questions and handing them to the man.

"Yeah, yeah. We missed out drop zone by about 20 miles, ended up way over by Bumville or some damn place. Him, me, and a couple of other guys were coming here to the rally point, ran into a colonel who was gathering up men to go to uh, Ramelle. To baby-sit a bridge. That's the last I've seen of him, sir." The man yelled.

Miller turned towards them.

"Assemble on me." He said. They followed him back to the box with the dog tags and kneeled around as he pulled out a map. Her heart was beating fast. They knew where Ryan was.

"Ramelle is on the Merderet River right here, just to the southwest of us. " Miller said, pointing at the map.

"You know anything about this bridge he was talking about, Captain?" Reiben asked.

"Yep. The target has always been Cherbourg. We can't push on Paris until we take a deep water port, and Rommel knows that." Miller was holding a compass in his hand, which was trembling badly.

He began to explain the importance of the bridge but all they could focus on was his hand. Miller looked at them and noticed they were staring at him. He quickly put the compass back in his pocket.

"Let's go." He said and they began towards Ramelle.


	10. Chapter 16

The cab stopped in front of a huge silver gate. Ryan got out first and took her hand as she stepped out too. It was eerily quiet.

"I'm very sorry about Reiben. He was a good guy." Ryan said as they began to walk towards the cemetery.

"Yes, he was. I regret not contacting him in all these years. Those guys, they helped me through so much and I repaid them by ignoring them." She said solemnly.

"Everyone treats their sadness differently. Don't feel bad, I'm positive Reiben understood. We all went through the same things Desiree."

"Yeah." She said agreeing, but knowing that even though they had definitely gone through similar experiences during the war, none of them had been in the same situation as her.

She looked up as they went through the entrance and almost lost her balance. The cemetery was more than full of white crosses sticking out of the ground. Each one was a headstone. Her heart sank as she thought of how she probably had met some of the people buried here. She had probably been through basic with some. She wondered if that boy Johnson she had met before the beach was buried there. She wondered if her friends were buried here.

"Seeing this never gets easy." Ryan said, stopping to look across the field.

He had been there a few years before with his family so it wasn't such a shock to him this time as it was to her. They could see where the funeral was going to be held and started off that way. Reiben wasn't going to be buried in the cemetery since he hadn't died in Normandy, but the service was being held there by request of his family in a small clearing. As they got closer, they noticed other people heading towards the same clearing where white chairs were gathered in front of an alter on top of which was a black casket. She felt a sting in her heart when she saw it. She noticed Upham already standing in the second row. He had his eyes closed, probably remembering how shitty of a time he had endured with Reiben in Charlie company. She walked over and stood next to him with Ryan close behind.

"I'm guessing you remember the name 'James Francis Ryan'?" She asked him.

He opened his eyes and turned, seeing Ryan next to her.

"It's been a long time Tim. How've you been?" Ryan said.

"Same old, same old." Upham said.

Desiree closed her eyes as the two talked for a second and saw in her mind a young Timothy Upham and James Ryan chatting in Ramelle. She opened them again as all talking ceased. She watched as a pastor walked over to the alter and began the funeral.


	11. Chapter 17

"Jackson, there's a machine gunner on the far left. Get on top of those stairs over there and see if you can get a clear shot. Mellish, Reiben, Parker, you three stay here and take out the krauts behind that car when you get my signal that Jackson got the gunner. Horvath, Upham, Rome, and Michaels come with me and Stevenson. Wade, don't do anything stupid." Captain Miller whispered.

They had come across a small brigade of men on their way to Ramelle who needed their help. Their objective had been to clear a small village of German soldiers but had run out of ammo leaving them five guys shorter and defenseless except for a few grenades. They had gotten a good number of the Germans though, leaving only about ten. The leadership of the men had since fallen into the hands of Private Stevenson whose 'sitting duck' strategy and arrogance had cost him four more men, leaving only himself, Private Michaels, and Private Rome. Captain Miller pictured it as an easy task and decided to help. All of C Company disapproved but said nothing. And so there they were, attacking in broad daylight.

Miller quietly ran with Jackson who gave the Captain the okay that he could take out the gunner. Miller then ran to the side of the stairs and was joined by Horvath, Upham, Rome, Stevenson, and Michaels.

"This is about the stupidest thing we've had to do so far." Reiben quietly said as they waited.

"Reiben, shut your trap. Okay, I'm taking out the one sitting on the hood. I can see his goddamn Hitler Youth knife from all the way over here that piece of shit."Mellish said, aiming his rifle.

"Fine, how about you Parker? Which one d'you want?" Reiben asked her.

"Uh…I guess…the one with the canteen in his hands." She felt weird picking which man she was going to kill. The first man she was going to kill.

"Okay, then I guess I'll get the other asshole." Reiben replied.

She looked back where Wade was standing; ready to run at any moment. He hadn't said much to the others since the dog tag incident, but had spoken to her on and off. Her arm was almost healed. He looked at her too and she wanted to smile but was thinking too much about killing the man yards in front of her. She turned back and waited with the other two for the sound of Jackson's Springfield and Miller's signal. And then it happened.

They heard the sound of their sniper and instantaneously the shouting of their Captain.

"Now!" he yelled.

She quickly aimed her gun at the man with the canteen who was now scurrying for his gun. She heard the rifles next to her go off and took a deep breath before squeezing the trigger. The man fell to the ground dead. She had shot him in the chest. For a moment, she felt wonderful because she hadn't missed. But then she began to feel remorse. That didn't last too long because a second later as Miller and the others began to run into the village, the six remaining Germans ran out of a nearby house and began shooting.

"Oh shit." Mellish said, standing up and running to help the others. Reiben followed him. She got up too and as she began to head towards the others she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. One of the Germans had escaped to the second floor of one of the houses. She hid along the side of a building and aimed at the man. She noticed that he was preparing to shoot someone too, but his aim was not at any of them. She looked up and followed his eyes. She thought she felt her heart stop as she saw Wade trying to help a profusely bleeding Michaels on the ground.

"WADE, NO!" She yelled and aimed back up at the man, pulling the trigger immediately. He had pulled his at the same time. She didn't even bother to check if she had hit him or not as she ran as fast as she could to where Wade and Michaels were.

"God damn it!" She heard Wade yell. She suddenly felt her heartbeat again as she heard his voice.

She stopped next to him.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." He said, lifting his hand off the side of his leg where a red stain had appeared.

She looked down at Michaels who was drifting in and out of consciousness. Wade was using his hand to hold Michaels intestines in place as he tried to put a bandage on with the other. She felt her stomach turn and felt like she was going to be sick. She heard yelling in German and looked up to see a German soldier loading the machine gun again.

"Wade, you need to go. Now." She said, realizing something he didn't.

"They aren't going to shoot me. I'm a medic." He said.

She watched as the man turned the gun in their direction.

"Yeah, I don't think they care. Come on!" She yelled at him.

"I'm not leaving him here to die." He calmly said.

She grabbed him and pulled him with all her strength as bullets began to fill the air above their heads. He went with her as they jumped into the nearest building and watched in horror as Michaels was shot to death where he lay.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Wade yelled out at the German soldier who was continuously shooting the dead body. There was another shot and then silence.

"Clear!" They heard Jackson yell.

Wade ran out of the building, limping, to Michaels. Desiree hunched over and vomited when she saw that half of Michaels' body looked like ground beef. Why had they kept shooting him? It didn't make sense. She saw the tears fall down Wade's face and noticed she was crying too. She wiped her face though as Captain Miller and the rest of the guys headed their direction.

"Parker, you okay?" Horvath asked, obviously seeing the horrified look on her face.

She nodded.

"Hey Wade, you're bleedin'" Jackson said, squatting next to him.

Wade said nothing as he pulled off one of Michaels' bloody dog tags and put it in his bag.

"Where are the other two?" Desi asked with her voice shaking, wondering where Rome and Stevenson were.

"Dead." Miller said. "Both of them got shot in the head."

The air that had just been full of gunshots was now completely still.

"Wade, get yourself fixed up. We're moving out." Miller ordered as he turned and walked away.

They were already leaving? They had just gotten there. But then again, it did seem kind of useless to stay. The men they were helping had been killed, but the job had been done anyways. Jackson helped Wade over to a table where he began to bandage up his leg. Reiben came up to her and put out his hand. She gave him a questioning look.

"I saw that shot you took. You hit that guy head on. The only other person I've seen shoot like that is Jackson. Good job Rookie." He said with a smile.

She shook his hand and thought of how backwards it was there.

She was being congratulated for killing someone. She had never felt more emotions at once before as she slung her rifle back around and headed in the same direction the Captain had.


	12. Chapter 18

"Kind of like that but if you were really usin' it, you would want to grip it a little tighter because if you aren't when this thing flies back, you're going to have one hell of a bruise on your shoulder." Jackson said.

They had stopped for the night to rest, seeing as they were almost halfway to Ramelle. Jackson was showing Desiree how to fire the Springfield, but all she could think about was what had happened earlier.

"I'll leave the sniping to you Jackson." She said with a smile and handed him his rifle.

He laughed as he grabbed it from her. She looked to her right over at Wade. He was sitting down, looking at the ground, his eyes sad as always. She felt a jolt through her whole body as she quickly re-lived the events from earlier that day when he and she had almost been killed, when she had told Wade to come with her and he had refused. She didn't know how to feel. She wanted to cry and scream at him all at the same time. She heard yelling and was brought back to the present.

"I told you to shut up, Reiben." Jackson yelled.

Reiben walked up to Jackson.

"Why don't you take your own advice, Bumpkin?" he said in his face.

"Stop calling me that!" Jackson yelled, pushing Reiben.

Upham ran over.

"Okay. Let's just calm down and…" Upham began.

"Shut up!" Reiben and Jackson yelled.

"Fine, let's all fight amongst ourselves then." Upham said, giving up and walking towards Desi.

"What's going on?" She asked him.

"How am I supposed to know? They just started fighting." He said, sitting down.

"Jackson if you're so goddamn good at everything how about we stay here and you can go find Ryan all by yourself?" Reiben yelled.

She could tell things were about to go downhill. She got up and ran over to the men. Before she got to them Jackson raised his arm and threw his fist into Reiben's stomach. Reiben stumbled back a step before raising his fist too. Desi grabbed Reiben's arm to stop his hit. He turned and then next thing she knew she was on the ground.

"Oh shit. Parker I thought you were…" Reiben started but was knocked to the ground by Jackson before he could finish.

Wade ran over to her.

"Where'd he hit you?" He said, sitting next to her.

She lifted her hand off the side of her jaw and wiped the blood from the corner of her mouth.

"I'm fine." She said, still in shock from being hit.

Jackson and Reiben continued to fight on the ground. No one dared to interrupt until…

"JACKSON, REIBEN!" Miller yelled.

The two suddenly froze. The tone in Miller's voice had even scared her. Reiben let go of Jackson's collar and the two stood up.

"Both of you, over here NOW." Miller ordered.

They walked over to their Captain, ashamed already at the realization of what had just happened. Wade put his hand on the side of her head and turned her face towards him. He wiped the blood off of her mouth with a white rag. As she looked at him she was once again reminded of the earlier events of the day.

"I'm fine, really." She said, standing up and walking away from him, heading towards the nearby trees to be alone. Someone was following her and she knew it was Wade. She stopped in front of a huge oak tree and turned to him.

"What?" She asked quietly.

"I want to know what's wrong." He said.

"Really? You have no idea?" She asked him, with a small laugh of sarcasm.

"I've seen worse than what happened to Michaels. It's going to happen out here." He said.

"No, you almost got yourself killed." She yelled.

"I was trying to save his life, that's my job." He said, calmly.

"No, it's not your job when there's a gun aiming at you. Then it's your job to get out so you don't get shot too."

"Why do you care so much?" He asked her.

"Because I…" she stopped herself. She had almost said it, the thing that would make being here that much worse. She didn't know what to say instead. She could read his face. He knew what she was going to say.

"Me too." He said quietly.

She turned away, not knowing what to do or say. She didn't know how to feel. She turned back and was suddenly in his arms again.

"Please don't do that again." She begged him.

"I won't. I promise." He said.


	13. Chapter 19

Desiree stood with Wade for a few minutes, head pressed against his chest listening to his heartbeat. She found it strangely calming or maybe it was the fact that he felt the same towards her.

"Wade!" Someone called, quickly approaching.

They hastily let go and stepped away from each other, both knowing that no one could find out.

"Wade, is Parker okay?" Reiben asked appearing from the trees.

She noticed his newly acquired black eye.

"I'm okay." She said forcing herself to smile at the man who had just hit her.

"Parker…Desi I'm so sorry. Honestly, I thought you were Upham. Are you hurt?" He asked worriedly. She was surprised he cared. So far, he had treated her like she was nothing more than a nuisance.

"Don't worry about it. I've felt worse remember?" she said pointing to her arm.

"Yeah but that doesn't make it okay. Seriously, how can I make it up to you?" he asked.

"Just don't hit me again and maybe ease up on Upham. I don't know if he could've taken that hit as well as I did." She laughed.

"Well, I promise not to hit you again," he said with an apologetic smile, "but Upham is a different story."

Reiben brought his hand to his face and lightly touched beneath his eye.

"Hey Doc, you got anything for a black eye?" he asked jokingly.

Wade laughed.

"No, sorry."

"Damn," Reiben said, leaning against a tree.

"How much trouble you guys in?" Wade asked him.

"None this time, but when Sarge found out Desi'd been hit I thought he was gunna shoot me right there." He explained. "As he very well should've might I add."

"I'm fine. I should've stayed out of it anyways." She said.

They all paused for a moment and listened to the faint gunshots coming from the west, picturing the bloody warfare that was taking place.

"Well, Captain just wanted me to let you know we're leaving pretty soon." Reiben got off the tree and lit another cigarette.

"I'll leave you two lovebirds be then." He said, turning and walking away.

"Wait, what?" Desi asked, shocked.

"I've seen the way you two gaze at each other when you think no one's looking. Don't let the captain find out." He said, almost singing it as he continued walking.

They looked at each other, realizing they would have to keep whatever was happening between them a secret; and a better kept one than her previous attempt.

They started back towards the rest of the guys.

"How's the arm?" he asked, trying to clear the awkward feeling in the air.

"Good, I guess." She said, stretching her arm out and pulling it back, feeling extreme pain as she did so.

"Good as in 'it fucking hurts' or were you making that face for another reason?" He laughed.

"It fucking hurts." She said, laughing too.

"You'll be fine in a week or two. Just try not to re-open it again."

"Trust me, I'm trying."

Rejoining the rest of the group, she noticed how Reiben looked worse off than Jackson and wondered how her fate would've turned out if Jackson had thrown the punch instead. Horvath was lighting a small fire with his zippo they had all seen at one point or another. It was engraved with the words, "Fuck 'em All!".

She remembered that quote from a song she had heard sung in basic and around other companies when they were back at the beach. D-Day seemed like it had been years ago. The smell of smoke filled her nose and made her sneeze.

"God bless -"

"-the family of Richard Reiben, his friends, and co-workers. And give them the strength and time to mourn the loss of this great friend, father, and husband. Let not his name be forgotten in vain, but carried on through joyous memories. Upon Richard's request, there will now be a reading of names of some of those men who fought on his side during World War Two, followed each by a twenty-one gun salute."

Desiree wondered what the reaction of the audience would be at the reading of her name, if it was read of course.

"Captain John H. Miller." The priest began.

His voice was followed by an army general shouting commands and then gunfire. She jumped at the sound and memories of Miller flew through her mind like picture in an album.

"Technical Sergeant Michael Horvath."

Gunfire.

"Private Adrian Caparzo."

Gunfire.

"Private Daniel Jackson."

Gunfire.

"Private Stanley Mellish."

Gunfire.

"Private James Francis Ryan."

Gunfire. She looked at Ryan and noticed a small tear escaping his left eye. He really did appreciate what they had done for him.

"Private Desiree Parker."

Gunfire. She watched as several people turned and looked at each other with confused looks on their faces. Upham nudged her with his elbow and they both quietly laughed. Their eyes were wet with tears as the names of their friends long-gone were named off.

"Corporal T-5 Timothy Upham."

Gunfire.

"Private T-4 Medic Irwin Wade."

She closed her eyes as his name was read. She saw it in her head on his dog tags and slowly moved up to his smiling face.

Gunfire.

She almost fell backward as sadness hit her like a ton of bricks. She opened her eyes before the picture she dreaded seeing could form. Thankfully, Upham and Ryan both had their arms behind her to stop her fall.

"We've got you, Parker." Upham whispered.

The funeral was coming to a close and as she walked over to where Reiben lay, she felt less sorrowful and more blessed to have known him, even though they had gone through hell together.

She placed the rose given to her at the beginning of the service with many others on top of the casket.

"Hey, Brooklyn." She whispered. "Your family is just as beautiful as you described in your letters. I am so incredibly and deeply sorry I never replied to them. I just couldn't stand being reminded of anything that happened. I know now that I can't run away from it. We were part of something that will never be forgotten. I can't escape it no matter how hard I try and I wish with all of my heart that I had realized that sooner. Thank you for having us mentioned today. It means more than anything that you still wanted me here. I'll miss you, Brooklyn. I love you."

She wiped her eyes and walked back to Upham and Ryan. She had chosen to go last. The service ended and they all took one last look at the black casket containing their friend before heading into the rest of the cemetery.


	14. Chapter 20

She never knew her legs could carry her as far as they had. They had been walking for at least 15 hours, barely stopping for a few ten minute breaks. They knew time was precious, if Ryan was still alive of course. The group had been dead silent almost the whole time. No one had the energy to even mess with Upham. It took too much energy thinking as well, which is why they had focused on two main things: looking out for Germans, and keeping one foot in front of the other. They needed sleep, food, and water but no one dared to say anything to the Captain. Before she could process what happened, Upham, who was in front of her, fell to the ground causing Desi to trip over him and then Mellish to trip over her. It was almost comical. The whole company came to a halt to see what was going on. Wade ran over and helped her up along with Upham.

"You alright?" he asked him.

Upham nodded. Mellish stood back up and brushed the dirt off of his pants.

The Captain looked carefully at Charlie Company, studying each of their faces and seeing the exhaustion and pain in their eyes. He stood in deep thought for a moment before nodding his head decisively and motioning for them to keep going. She wondered who was going to collapse of exhaustion first. They had changed direction since the pile up, going quite a bit more to the left. About another hour passed before they approached a blackened and burned German bucket car. There were three bodies inside of it, barely recognizable as human by that point.

"Well, that's a good sign, right?" Reiben asked jokingly.

As the continued, they passed about twenty more German corpses on the ground. The smell was unbearable. The rest of Desi's strength was used trying not to gag. Tents appeared as the sun began to set and they realized where they were.

"Captain, why are we here?" Mellish asked with a demanding tone.

The Captain slowed to a halt next to a tent and began to remove his backpack.

"You all are tired. You've walked a long time. I think you deserve a little rest." He said.

"And you chose the town morgue?" Reiben replied.

"Would you rather we continued walking, Reiben?" Jackson shot back. The tension from their fight was still strong.

"Our men have already been through here; I'd say about five days ago." The Captain cut in. "At this point, the Germans aren't going to back track to one of their empty outposts. We've got our men in front of us and behind us here. If you want a full night of sleep and time to rest your legs, this is the only place you're going to find until we reach Ramelle."

They silently agreed that this was their best option. At least it would give them a chance to sit down. There were about fifteen tents in the area of various sizes with a fire pit in the middle. Curious as to what an enemy tent was filled with, Desi opened the flap. The stench of rotting flesh filled her nostrils again and she was greeted with the sight of a swollen corpse laying on the ground inside, still gripping its Mauser with decayed fingers. He was covered in thousands of flies. She turned away from the scene and couldn't stop herself from hunching over and vomiting. The only thing that came out was all that she had in her, bile and water. Wade ran over to her.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, placing his hand on her shoulder. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve and stood back up.

"Not really, but I'll get over it," she assured him. Mellish and Horvath walked over to the tent and peered in side.

"Holy fuck," Mellish said before turning away and gagging.

"Let's hope the other tents are a bit less occupied," Horvath said in response.

She didn't want to see or smell any more than she had to, so as the others checked out the remaining tents, she took a seat next to the Captain on some empty ammo boxes. He was watching them, but obviously deep in thought. She thought it best not to interrupt him.

"Do you ever wonder what these men would be doing if this thing had never happened?" the Captain asked, breaking their silence. She looked at him. He was still watching the men.

"Yeah, actually I think about it a lot," she answered.

"Well, what do you think Upham over there would be doing?" he asked nodding in Upham's direction.

"Upham. Well, he's very worrisome but book smart too. I could see him being a college student hoping to one day become a professor of some sort."

"Upham? A teacher?" the Captain asked with a doubtful tone.

"Yeah," she answered confused by his surprise, "what do you think he'd be?" Miller took a few seconds to answer.

"Now that I really think about it, I think you might be right. I'm not sure how long he'd last though. Those kids can be a lot to handle and Upham doesn't seem to handle stress too well. He's a bit…" the Captain stopped trying to think of the word.

"High strung?" she offered.

"Yeah," he answered and gave a little laugh. "You know, every single day I wonder if I'm making the right decisions. I wonder if saving one man is worth all of this. I wonder if taking you with us and putting your life in more danger was the right thing to do. It's one of the worst things, to have your choices affect the lives of others and I can't wait until this thing is over."

"Hey Captain, we got some food over here!" Jackson yelled out.

Captain Miller stood up and headed over to the farthest tent where all of the men now gathered. She was grateful for Jackson's interruption. She didn't know how to respond to the Captain. She couldn't understand the pressure he felt every day, nor the responsibility he felt for all of their lives. She watched the men pull out boxes from the tent. Jackson grabbed his rifle and slammed the butt of it on top of one of the boxes. The side split open and several cans rolled out. As much as she should've been hungry, she couldn't get the sight or smell of the swollen German body out of her mind. She took her helmet off and let her hair fall down to its natural state on her shoulders. It was tangled and knotted beyond fixing. She stared at the spot on her arm. No blood had seeped through the bandage and she felt a morsel of relief knowing that it was healing. She also suddenly felt a strong longing for home. Perhaps it was the resemblance of the wound to one her father had suffered from after an incident with some farming equipment several years ago. She wondered again that if she got back if her family would forgive her or even allow her to see them. As the feeling of hysteria threatened to set in she reminded herself why she was fighting in the first place. Her nephew would now have his father. But she realized there were a few other reasons why she found herself in the middle of France, surrounded by death and fear. She had gained hatred for the German soldiers and their oppressive leader who sanctioned genocide. She wanted to put an end to his ruling. She was actually fighting for the uniform she wore. She fought for the six men who had become her brothers and the one who had begun to steal her heart.


	15. Chapter 21

They all sat around the small fire they had made, their guns at their sides even though the Captain had assured them there was no threat. They joked about being found by another company and assumed as traitors. Mellish laughed at the idea of a Jewish Nazi but then took up silence. Reiben sat on Desi's right and offered her a cigarette as he had done when they had first met.

"C'mon, Parker. Let's try this again,"

She smiled out of embarrassment and took one from the smashed-up box in his hand. Horvath tossed her his lighter. She read the engraved words on it before she lit the cigarette. The smoke filled her lungs and she blew it out slowly with success. She didn't cough out a lung as she almost had before. The guys clapped and cheered. She laughed.

"Now try and quit," Reiben laughed, patting her on the shoulder. She jokingly pushed him and he forced himself off the box he had been sitting on and onto the ground.

"Wow, Reiben. You gunna let a girl beat you up?" Jackson joked.

"Parker probably could," he replied as he sat back down.

They looked over at the Captain who was sat in front of a map once again, the light of a small candle glowing next to it.

"Do you think he agrees with this?" Reiben asked.

"Don't question the Captain. He knows what he's doing," Horvath defended.

"I'm not questioning him, Sarge. Just wondering if he really thinks this it worth it all,"

"I think he does," Parker replied.

"Why's that?"

"You know, not all of us signed up for this shit, Reiben. Some of us just want to go home," Wade said throwing a cigarette butt on the ground.

"Yeah well bein' out here in the middle of nowhere ain't going to get us home any quicker. If you think finding Ryan's going to earn you a ticket home you're all going to be disappointed when they send you straight into Germany afterwards,"

No one spoke for a moment.

"Hey, way to kill the mood, Reiben" Mellish said.

"Hey, sorry. I'm just telling the truth," he replied.

Horvath stood up from his spot.

"On that note, I'm going to go get some well-deserved shut eye," Horvath said, standing up. As he walked by, Desi handed him his lighter back.

"Fuck 'em All," he read as he headed towards a tent and disappeared inside.

Shortly after Horvath's departure, Upham, Mellish, Jackson, and Reiben all left their spots at the fire and headed into their individual decided tents. Captain Miller remained at his makeshift desk. Whether he was deep in thought or asleep was difficult to tell from such a distance. The tents seemed unappealing to her after her experience earlier but she wouldn't have been able to sleep anyways. There was a sort of eeriness to the deserted camp and uneasiness had set in her stomach. Her and Wade sat across from each other, the only ones left at the fire.

"So, your brother must be really important to you if you're doing all of this for him," he said.

"Yeah, he is. You know, I had just heard about so many people losing their fathers and husbands. I just kept imagining my nephew; he's only a year old. He'd have to go through his whole life hearing about what a great man his father was but only having a few bent up pictures to serve as memory. No one should have to go through that,"

"Yeah, but what about you though? If anything happens, your parents lose their daughter,"

"I know but it's not as much of a loss. Jimmy has a family to take care of and a great job. I haven't even got a plan for what I want to do with my life," she said.

"Don't say that. Look at you. How many women are going to be able to have a story like yours? You are without a doubt the strongest woman I have ever met. You can and will do anything you want when you get out of here," he told her.

"IF I get out of here," she said.

He stood up and walked over to where she sat and took the spot next to her.

"You will," he said confidently.

"How do you know? Tomorrow I could end up like Caparzo or worse," she said, wincing at the images of grotesque, mangled corpses in her mind from Omaha Beach.

"Here," he said, reaching around his neck. He pulled off a necklace and handed it to her. She took it and looked at the silver quarter dangling from the chain.

"It's kind of a good luck charm. I don't really believe in that much but when I was a kid, probably about 10 or 11, my father he uh…started drinking heavily. Every night he would come home from his factory job and drink himself to sleep. It got to the point where he didn't even bother trying to go to work anymore and they fired him. That's why my mom had to get a job at the hospital. One day I came home from school and my mom was crying in her room. Her nose was bleeding a lot and I knew what had happened. He never touched me because I avoided him at all costs but I know he hurt her more than the few times I saw. I was heading home one day and found that quarter on the ground a few blocks from our house. 1920 is my birth year so I pocketed it. I got up to our driveway and my mom was there, loading boxes into the car. She told me to go say bye to my father if I wanted to but I picked up a box and helped her instead. We were gone by sunset and I haven't seen him since. It's what I had wanted for a long time so I made a hole in the quarter and wore it every day," he ended. She turned the quarter around in her hand and thought about his story for a second before handing it back. He took it from her hands.

"Here," he said. He reached close to her and strung the chain around her neck. It clanged against her dog tags.

"I can't take this," she told him.

"Yeah, you can," he said. He leaned forward again and this time his lips touched hers. She felt the emotions of his mind and heart as their lips moved together. For those few minutes, it seemed like the world had stopped. They pulled apart as they both remembered where they were. Both blushing, they looked back over at Captain Miller who was writing vigorously under the dim candle light. He hadn't noticed them. Wade gripped her hand tightly and they walked together to the farthest tent and went inside.


	16. Author's Note

**I'm a little more than halfway done with the story now and would just like to thank everyone for the reviews, views, favorites, and follows! It's an awesome feeling to know that people enjoy something that I enjoy making. I also owe a very large apology for the long wait. I have been overwhelmed this past year trying to finish my Associate's Degree, working, and finding a transfer school. Things have slowed down a bit now and I'm learning how to manage my time better. I do apologize for that though. I got a lot of messages on here and tumblr ( .com) where I post my writing asking if I had given up on the story. I had thought about it a while back but I had put so much time and effort into it that I couldn't. I wanted to write but my ideas were bland and rushed. Then I realized that I had grown attached to Desiree Parker's story and I wanted to give the story the closure it deserved. So, I waited until the story came together more in my head and whilst sitting in class one day, I realized how I wanted it to go. Thanks everyone again and especially my cousin who pushed me to write again as well as giving me ideas to work on with the characters. All of you are wonderful and I hope you enjoy the next chapters. 3**


	17. Chapter 22

The cemetery was a painful sight itself, with its seemingly endless stream of white crosses covering the earth. Each cross was a man. Each cross was a soldier. The names were hard to read as they passed through the "A" section.

"So, Tim," she asked, breaking the eerie silence, "I remember when Mellish was giving you quite the hard time about that book you were writing. Did you ever actually finish it?"

He laughed as he remembered the night spent in a crumbling church. He switched the bouquet of roses he was carrying to his other hand.

"I did finish it," he said. "But I never published it. It didn't seem right or fair to after what happened,"

A look of guilt fell across his face and she didn't know how to respond. She remembered the screams for ammo that went unanswered and knew that was what he was envisioning. They reached the C's and not too far down they found the cross they were searching for.

"Private Adrian Caparzo 1913-1944," it read.

The gunshots rang through her ears and she saw in her mind Caparzo on the ground, surrounded by blood as Wade shouted at him not to move. Upham was hearing the cries of the little girl. Ryan stood there, no memory to look back on.

"Caparzo's death was a mistake," she explained to him. "We were in the middle of clearing a town and he picked up a civilian girl. There was an argument between him and Captain Miller and a sniper got him during. Jackson got the sniper but Caparzo had bled out before we could get to him."

Ryan nodded.

"No one should have died to save me. I'll never understand the logic that was used in that. Adrian Caparzo," he said. He grabbed a rose from Upham's bouquet and kneeled before the cross. "Thank you,"

He placed the rose in front of the gravestone and then stood back up. They headed on, stopping at Sergeant Horvath, Private Jackson, and Private Mellish. Desiree placed the rose at each of their stones. The painful memories flooded her mind all the while but she kept her composure. Then they came upon Captain John Miller. All three of them were lost at what to say to a man who had been such a good leader. Ryan was the first to move forward, lowering himself near the grave.

"To be honest with you, I wasn't sure how I'd feel coming back here," he said. "Every day I think about what you said to me that day on the bridge. And I've tried to live my life the best I could. I hope that was enough. I hope that at least in your eyes, I've earned what all of you have done for me."

He stood up again, a few tears running from his eyes. She took the spot in front of the Captain's final resting place.

"I don't even know where to begin. You did so much for us, for me. That day I was chosen for Charlie on Omaha Beach has led me down life paths I never imagined for myself. I have a daughter now, and a grandson. And I owe all of it to you. You could've sent me home when you found out I wasn't who I said but you let me make my own decision. I needed that. Thank you," she said.

Upham said a few words and placed his rose with the other two. They stood there awhile longer, sharing a few memories each of the captain. There was one more grave to visit and she knew she wasn't prepared to see it.


	18. Chapter 23

Something woke her and she shot up from the blanketed ground. The early morning light was shining outside, giving just enough illumination so that she could see Wade, still fast asleep next to her. She looked at the soft features of his face and realized she had done what she told herself she wouldn't. She had fallen in love with him and she wanted nothing more than to be out of the war and having a cup of coffee with him in a small townhouse. It was ridiculous and she knew that but after the night they had spent together, she knew her feelings were true. She laid her head back down next to his and imagined having had met back in the U.S., away from the fear and death. She imagined him at Christmas with her and her family. She replayed the night before in her head before she heard clanging outside. She held the blanket covering them to her chest, realizing her uniform was still in the corner of the tent. She reached for it and quickly put it back on. She tied her boots and headed out, knowing that no one could find them together. The cold morning air felt good on her face. She looked around and saw Horvath sitting around the fire pit, eating out of a metal can. Desiree walked over and sat next to him.

"Sleep well?" he asked her.

"Not really," she told him.

"Well, how you holdin' up? It's not what you thought it'd be like is it?"

"I think I'm alright. It's worse than they show in the news, but I knew what I was getting into. There is just a different feeling hearing about something and then actually seeing it happen," she said.

"Yeah, I know what you're saying. When I went through Italy it was worse than this, but then again I wasn't on a mission like this one," he told her. "Here," he handed her the can. She looked inside at what looked like brown mush.

"What is it?" she laughed.

"It's supposed to be meat," he laughed. He poked the smoldering fire pit with a large stick as she tasted the German rations. It was one of the most horrible things she had ever tasted but she hadn't had food in her stomach for days. Anything was better than nothing. She noticed the ring on his hand.

"So, you have a wife back home?" she asked him. He continued to poke the fire.

"I did, but she did exactly what I thought she would do," he said.

"What's that?" she asked.

"She cheated on me and left me for some fat-head a month after I was deployed," he said.

"Wow, that's…" she said at a loss for words.

"That's what?" he said, turning and looking at her.

"That's FUBAR," she told him.

"Ha!" he laughed, "Damn right that's FUBAR." He turned back to the fire again. "Yet I still wear this thing because as much as I know it's not true, there's still a bit of hope in my mind that she's still back there waiting for me. Plus, I'd lose it if I took it off and I can get some gravy if I sell it back in the states."

She smiled and tried to hand the can back to him. He shook his head.

"I'm going to go start wakin' the rest of the guys up. You eat that. You need it more than me and you seem to be stomaching it better too," he said and trudged towards the tents. She ate the rest of the supposed food in the can and set it down as a tired eyed Jackson came over to her with a cigarette in his mouth.

"Fuck this," he grumbled, grabbing a can from a nearby box and trying to open it. She contained her laughter as each of the guys grumpily showed up. Wade walked over and gave her a smile as he sat, making her heart skip a beat.

"Alright, everyone listen up," Captain Miller said. They all looked at him. It was obvious he hadn't slept.

"We're moving out now. We should reach Ramelle by sunset and hopefully," he paused, looking at each of their faces, "find Ryan. So, get your things, grab some food if you want, and let's go."

She ran over to the tent she had slept in and grabbed her bag. Wade walked in with his already on.

"Ready to find this guy?" he asked her.

"Yeah, if only it meant winning the war too," she told him.

"If only," he laughed.

She stepped towards him and grabbed his face with her hands, placing her mouth on his. She kissed him hard, trying to convey her feelings to him and as she felt his arms wrap around her, she knew he understood. They parted away from each other and smiled.


	19. Chapter 24

They found themselves walking across grassy fields once more. The dew on the grass turned the lower legs of their uniforms dark. Two hours had gone by and the sun was blocked by grey clouds. Birds sang relentlessly in the trees. They approached a fence line and were about to cross.

"Captain," Wade said.

They looked over the fence and saw the dead bodies of some American paratroopers. Miller motioned for them to stay and went with Horvath behind some trees for a closer look.

"What the hell happened here?" Mellish asked.

"I feel like we're about to find out," Reiben said.

Captain Miller and Sergeant Horvath ran back over.

"What is it?" Upham asked as they all huddled around to hear an explanation.

"Machine gun. Probably MG-42," Horvath answered.

"Jesus. Is that what got those guys?" Upham asked again.

She was surprised at his curiosity. He hadn't really spoken much the last two days.

"Maybe one of thems our boy," Mellish implied. They had all been thinking the same thing.

"No, their patches are 82nd, so your luck's not that good," Miller said.

"You know, I don't know how fast the rest of you Betties are, but I'm thinking we detour this way quick and quiet, the krauts will never even know we were here," Reiben suggested. "So, Captain, what I'm trying to say is, why don't we just go around the thing?"

"Yeah," she chimed in. "We can cut around those trees, unnoticed."

"I hear what you're saying," Miller said, removing heavy, unneeded items from his uniform. "But we can't cut around it."

"I'm with Reiben and Parker on this one, sir. I mean, we left them 88s," Jackson reasoned.

"For the air force. The air force isn't gonna spend ordinance on one machine gun," Miller said, pulling a few grenades out of his bag and placing them in his helmet.

"Uh, Captain," Mellish said. "We can still skip it and accomplish our mission. I mean, this isn't our mission, right, sir?"

"Oh, that's what you want to do, Mellish? You just want to leave it here so they can ambush the next company that comes along?"

"No, sir, that's not what I'm saying. I'm simply saying, it seems like an unnecessary risk given our objective, sir," Mellish said, trying to avoid argument.

Captain Miller put his bag back on.

"Our objective is to win the war," he said.

The tension was growing. She was knelt next to Wade, who touched the back of her hand with the back of his.

"Sir, I just, uh, I don't have a good feeling about this one," Reiben said.

Miller looked at him.

"Well, when was the last time you felt good about anything?"

He put his helmet on and ran over to an opening in the fencing. They followed close behind him.

"All right, 3 runners with suppressing fire. Mellish, you hook to the right," Miller said, making his plan. "I'll go up the middle. Who's going left?"

He looked at them and they all looked at each other. She remembered why she had been put in Charlie in the first place: she was a fast runner.

"Who's going left?" Miller repeated.

"I'll go," she offered.

"No, Parker, you linger behind," he said.

She was offended but held her tongue.

"I'll do it," Jackson offered. "I'll go left."

"All right," Miller said. "Upham, switch off with Jackson, and you linger in the rear with Parker."

She imagined the look on her face was one of disgust as Upham and Jackson switched guns.

"We advance and keep pressure on him till he has to change out his barrels," Miller told them. Everyone was loading their guns and removing heavy gear from their back and sides.

"I think we should be able to hit him from grenade range,"

"Maybe I should go up the middle, sir," Horvath suggested.

"The way you run? I don't think so," Miller said.

"Maybe I should go left, sir," he suggested again.

"Maybe you should shut up!" Miller angrily said.

Her heart was racing. Wade was going to be following behind Miller. He looked at her with a nervous smile and brushed her hand again.

"Reiben, base of fire. Mags and clips where you can reach 'em and…and extra grenades for the base runners," Miller ordered.

They stood up and began to run. Her and Upham picked up the bags and lingered behind. Bullets ricocheted past them, hitting the dead paratroopers and cows lying on the ground. She ducked behind a cow with Upham who had removed Jackson's sight and was using it as a 's Springfield was sitting on the ground between them. She picked it up and stuck her head up over the rotting carcass. The men were running towards the station and she looked up just in time to see a German aiming straight towards Horvath. She gripped the gun tightly as Jackson had taught her as she took her aim. Without a sight she was sure she would miss, but a second after she pulled the trigger, the German fell off the side of the radar station and into the dirt below. Horvath ducked into a ditch and looked back at her, almost as to say "thank you." Wade disappeared behind a cloud of dust. Each grenade made her wince and she could feel the vibration of the machine gun shaking the chains around her neck. Time passed slowly and she couldn't see a thing. It felt like hours when the shooting finally stopped. She foolishly stood straight up and ran towards the voices, leaving Upham behind. The smoke was blinding.

"Hill's clear! Four down and dead!" Horvath yelled.

"Upham! Grab the gear and get up here! We need water and extra dressing!" Miller yelled.

"Get the morphine out of the extra medical kit!"

She finally reached them and felt ice through her veins. Wade was lying on the ground, surrounded by the rest of the men. She was suddenly at his side. She looked up at Jackson who ripped apart Wade's shirt to reveal four bullet holes. Blood was pouring heavily from them.

"Son of a bitch," Horvath said.

Wade's eyes met hers.

"You're going to be okay. You're going to be fine, Wade," she told him. She couldn't have convinced him much. Her voice trembled as did her hands while she grabbed one of his. It felt as though she had swallowed needles and they had gotten caught in her throat.

"Get some sulfa on there," Miller said as Upham arrived.

"Move my legs up! Move my legs up!" Wade yelled, pain in his voice.

She used her other hand to cover the hole closest to her. The warmth of his blood on her hand made her gag.

"Listen to my voice," Mellish told him.

"You're gonna be alright, Doc," Miller said, ripping open another packet of sulfa.

"How's it look?" Wade asked.

"Wade, you're fine," Mellish answered him. "You're going on a hospital ship."

She moved her hand away as they poured more sulfa on Wade's chest and then washed it away with water. None of them knew what they were doing, but she knew they were doing it wrong.

"Put my legs up. Put my legs up," Wade repeated.

"I got 'em," Horvath said, lifting Wade's legs.

"You're going to be okay. It's okay," she kept saying. She didn't know who she was trying to convince more: Wade or herself. She couldn't feel the tears running down her face.

"How's it look?" he kept asking.

Horvath gave him morphine in his left leg.

"Am I shot in the spine?" Wade managed to ask. They turned him over on his side to check. He looked at her again. She put hand on the side of his face, repeating the only thing she could say. Miller told him about the exit wound. They set him back down and Reiben walked away. He gagged and blood spilled from between his lips. She let go of his hand and covered two of the holes. The rest of the guys put their hands on them too. Jackson's hands were on top of hers to create pressure. Mellish showed Wade withi his other hand where the biggest wound was.

"Oh my god, my liver!" Wade yelled, obviously panicked. "Oh my god, it's my liver."

He was breathing fast as he looked up at Jackson who was sitting next to her.

"Jackson, do it," he yelled.

Jackson's hands suddenly gripped hers and he began to try and pull her away.

"No!" she screamed and struggled. The blood on their hands allowed for her to slip away. Jackson reached for her again but she threw her arm back, elbowing him in the nose. He fell back. She put both her hands on his face. He looked at her as more blood came out of his mouth.

"I...love you," he struggled to say as his body began to shake.

"I love you," she replied before Jackson grabbed her by the shoulders, forcing her up and pulled her back. Her strength was gone. She was about five feet away from Wade when she fell back to her knees, forcing Jackson to get down too. Her sobs shook her entire body. Her eyes burned as the smoke and dirt in the air mixed with her tears. She watched as they gave him two more shots of morphine, knowing it would kill him. She was helpless. She heard him yelling, "I don't wanna die," before Jackson let go of her and covered her ears. Captain Miller stood up and headed towards the radar station. It was over. Wade was gone. Jackson removed his hands from her ears and the sounds of her own crying sounded like nothing she had ever heard before.


	20. Chapter 25

Jackson stood up and ran towards something. She looked up and saw by the station, Reiben and Mellish, kicking and punching what looked like a man. She struggled to breathe with each desperate gasp of air she took, only to release it again in another forceful sob. Trying to calm herself down, she took a few more deep breathes and picked herself up off the ground as the rest of the men went to join in on beating the man. She walked over to Wade. His eyes were closed and his face was whiter than paper. She had never felt pain as badly as she did then. An elephant standing on her chest would have caused less. She knelt down beside him once more, and reached for his dog tags. She removed one as was protocol and put it in her top pocket. She reached for his hand and finally knew the eeriness of death when she was met with his cold, pulseless one. She felt as though every nightmare she could ever have, had come true. Sitting there by him, she searched her memory to the moment they had first met, the moment he had saved her life, and the moment they had first kissed. Everything felt as though it was a dream. She barely heard the men yelling over the low hum in her ears. She didn't know if it was the grenade explosions that caused it or some kind of biological deterrent brought on by the sudden overload of emotions. Her arms and legs felt numb. It wasn't comprehendible that just a few minutes earlier, Wade had been walking next to her and now she sat there next to his unmoving body, covered in his blood. The times she had tried to save him came to mind, and now she had failed. She had saved Horvath instead. Medics were never supposed to be shot. Nothing was sacred anymore. She didn't want to leave his side. Her fantasy of a happy life after the war had been violently shattered. The coin around her neck jangled with her dog tags as she reached to pull his jacket over his still bleeding chest. The sound evoked a great guilt. Wade had given her the necklace. Irrationality allowed her to believe for a moment that if he had still been wearing it, he would be okay and perhaps she would be the one on the ground. Her eyes were no longer overflowing and the breeze against her face made her skin cold. She had to tell herself he was gone as Upham and what seemed to be a captured German approached. She said a silent goodbye and closed her eyes, trying to etch the memory of his smiling face into her mind forever. When she opened them back up, a hand had appeared on her left. It was Reiben. She grabbed his hand and he helped her up, embracing her once she stood.

"I'm sorry," he said, voice muffled by her hair.

She couldn't speak but hugged him back. She wanted to fall down and never get up again. She turned away and took one last look at Wade as Upham and the German looked him over. Reiben placed his hand on her back as they walked uphill towards the station. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. Jackson was sitting on a ledge, right beneath the huge radar. She could see the blood covering his right arm and noticed Wade's bag at his side. She walked away from Reiben who was talking to Sergeant Horvath and climbed up the small metal ladder leading up to the ledge. As she approached him, she noticed the blood dripping from his nose as well.

"What happened?" she asked. Her voice was raspy.

He looked up at her before she sat down next to him, picking up the bag and searching through it.

"Arm got grazed by a bullet. I'll be fine but the Captain wants me to fix it up best I can," he told her, examining his wound. She pulled out a packet of sulfa, bandage, and gauze. She grabbed his arm and poured the sulfa on it.

"Wade had to do this to my arm a couple of times. I watched what he did," she told him quietly. She wiped the sulfa off of the skin around the grazed spot. He wiped the blood from his nose with his other hand. "Did I do that?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it. I've had worse," he smiled at her and then looked across the field. "I only pulled you away because he asked me to," he told her. She looked at him questioningly.

"I didn't hear him say…" she began, wrapping the gauze around his arm.

"Before today," he interrupted. "He told me if anything happened to him to make sure that you didn't have to see it. So, when he told me to do it, I did it. I don't want you to think I was just bein' an asshole."

Her heart sank even lower which she didn't think was possible. He had cared for her until the moment he died. Her eyes stung as sobs threatened her body again. She took another deep breath and finished tying the bandage.

"If the Captain don't kill that sonabitch, I'm gonna," Jackson said, moving his arm back and forth, testing the pain.

"The German?" she asked.

"Yeah, he's the one who shot Wade,"

Jackson grabbed his jacket from the ground behind him and his helmet. He stood up and began to head towards the ladder.

"Thanks, Parker," he said.

She hadn't heard him though. Questions flooded her head. Why was the man who shot Wade still alive? Why hadn't the Captain had him shot on the spot? She remembered the argument about the radar station. It was Miller and Miller alone who wanted to do it. Everyone else had protested. They had done it and now Wade was dead. If they had just gone around, everything would have been okay. Letting her anger get to her, she stood up and followed the ledge, looking for the Captain on the ground below. She reached the edge and was about to turn around when she saw him out of the corner of her eye on the side of the station. He was sitting on a pile of rubble, his head in his hands. He was crying. He knew it was his fault. He was feeling the guilt and she knew she didn't need to say anything else. She walked away back towards the ladder and climbed down.


	21. Chapter 26

Looking across the field she saw Upham and the German on a small bit of hill. She saw the blanketed pile besides them too. Her anger rushed back and something inside of her snapped. She walked over to where Wade had fallen, where she had dropped the rifle. Her eyes remained on the men on the hill as she grabbed it and headed up to them, avoiding barbed wire as she went. She could feel her heart in her throat as she got closer. Upham looked up at her.

"Hey, Desi, I'm sorry," he said stepping towards her. She pushed him forcefully out of her way, causing him to almost topple over. The man digging what was to be Wade's grave looked up at her. She stopped in front of him. His expression was a mixture of fear and confusion as his eyes looked her up and down, stopping at the rifle she was holding. She lifted it up to the point where the barrel was inches from his face.

"Desi, don't," Upham yelled. "He said he didn't mean to kill Wade."

Her stomach turned. He was the one who had shot Wade and he was still alive, digging his grave. The blood rushed to her face and her hands tightened around the gun. As Upham yelled for the Captain, her arms forced forward and struck the man across the face with the hard, metal barrel. He fell backwards, grabbing his nose and screaming as deep scarlet blood flowed from between his hands. She dropped the rifle and tackled him. Adrenaline filled her entire being as she delivered blow after blow, barely feeling the pain as her soft knuckles collided with the man's facial structures. Before she knew what had happened, his hands, which were quite larger than hers, grasped her wrists and he threw her to the ground. He climbed on top of her but before he could do anything, her knee lodged into his groin and he fell to the side. She pushed herself up and reached for Jackson's Springfield once again. With it in her hands, she aimed it at the man's crumpled form.

"Stand down, Parker," Captain Miller's voice sounded from behind her. She didn't want to listen. She wanted to shoot the son of a bitch where he lay. She saw Wade's helmet hanging from a rifle in the ground, customary of wartime makeshift graves. Her arms lowered and a hand was placed on her shoulder.

"Parker, give me the gun," Miller said.

She looked up at him, showing the betrayal she felt. She thrust the gun into his hands and turned away. Her adrenaline rush was dying as she trudged back to the station and she felt lightheaded. She reached a wall and leaned against it, taking a drink of water from her almost empty canteen. Mellish walked over to her.

"What happened?" he asked, having seen the situation from afar.

"I almost killed that fucker and the Captain told me to stand down," she said matter-of-factly as her back slid against the concrete and she sat on the ground. He sat next to her, shaking his head.

"You okay?" he asked.

"No," she truthfully answered, staring into the afternoon sun. Time had gone fast that day or maybe she was just still in shock. He pulled the Hitler Youth knife he had found back in Normandy out of his pocket and began toying with it in his hands.

"We're in a similar situation," he said. Noticing the questioning look on her face, he explained.

"Someone killed someone we love and we're not allowed to do anything about it."

It hit her all of a sudden that everyone knew about her love for Wade. It was strange that it was such a secret a day ago, and it didn't matter who knew at the moment, because he was gone.

"I figure you want to kill that bastard as much as I want to shove this knife through Hitler's goddamned throat. And we both would do it, if it wasn't for these fubar guidelines and rules that the other side doesn't seem to follow for shit anyways," he said.

She nodded. He was more than right. If Miller hadn't stopped her, she would have shot the man right then and there.

"I just thought I'd let you know, being someone in a bit of a similar situation, if you ever need to vent to someone don't worry about chewin' my ear off. I've had to listen to Reiben run his mouth almost every night," he laughed.

She smiled, and felt it was out of place. They talked for a while longer until the Captain, followed by Jackson, Reiben, and Horath, walked back up to the hill. Mellish got up and followed them, but she stayed where she was, too exhausted for anymore commotion. A moment later, they were all marching back, Miller forcing the German forward by the collar of his shirt and jacket. She quickly stood up as the Captain blindfolded the man. She reached for her Garand and realized she had left it back behind the rotting cow during the fight earlier.

"Tell him," Captain Miller spoke to Upham, "To march a thousand paces in that direction. Then he can take off the blindfold. We'll be gone, and he turns himself in to the first Allied patrol he comes across."

"You gotta be kidding me. We're letting him go?" Reiben asked.

"He's a P.O.W., Reiben. Can't take him with us. Our guys will pick him up sooner or later," the Captain explained.

Upham walked the blinded man forward, translating what Miller ordered. She didn't understand the Captain's reasoning. Everything was backwards. She walked over to Jackson who seemed to be in just as much shock as she was.

"Only if he doesn't get picked up by his own wehrmacht first, then thrown back into circulation," Reiben told him. He walked straight up to Miller.

"Captain, you just let the enemy go,"

There was a sharp silence in the air.

"This is such bullshit," Mellish replied.

"Ya'll got that right," Jackson said.

"Bullshit?" Upham asked. "This is bullshit? Shooting a prisoner? That'd be okay?"

"Would you shut your mouth?" Mellish interrupted.

"It's against the goddamn rules!" he shouted back.

"Yeah, well the goddamn rules just walked off with your new friend," Reiben said.

She didn't even bother to say anything. Things were about to explode and she knew it.

"But I guess that was the, uh, decent thing to do, huh, Captain?" Reiben asked.

Miller didn't respond.

"Get your gear. Let's go," he said and began gathering his things off of a pile of sandbags.

"You heard him. Gear up," Horvath ordered.

No one moved.

"The Captain just gave you an order," Horvath said.

"Yeah," Reiben replied, "Like the one he gave to take this machine gun. That was a real doozy, wasn't it, Sarge?"

"Soldier, you are way outta line," Horvath told him.

Reiben ignored him and walked back over to the Captain who was throwing on his bag.

"Yes, sir, that was one hell of a call, coming to take this nest, but, what the hell, we only lost one of ours guys going for it,"

They all watched as Reiben threw his arms down angrily on the sandbags in front of Miller, knowing it wasn't going to end well.

"I swear I hope Mama Ryan's real fuckin' happy knowing that little Jimmy's life is more important than two of our guys!" he yelled. "Then again we haven't found him yet, have we?!"

He was thrown to the ground by Horvath.

"Gear up, and fall in," he instructed him.

"I'm done with this mission," Reiben said, picking up his gun, and heading towards the direction they had first come in.

Horvath chased after him.

"Don't you walk away from your captain. Reiben, get back in line," he ordered again.

Reiben turned to face him.

"I'll spend the rest of my life in the stockade if I have to, but I'm done with this," he said.

"I'm not going to ask you again, soldier," Horvath said, drawing his pistol.

He aimed it right at Reiben and hell ensued. Every single person was yelling except for her and Captain Miller. She could do nothing. She agreed with Reiben. She wanted to leave too. On the other hand, the soldier in her could understand why they had taken the nest. But then, she disagreed about letting the German go.

"Mike, what's the pool on me up to right now?" Miller asked.

The yelling ceased.

"What's it up to? What is it, $300? Is that it, $300?"

"$450," she told him.

"I'm a schoolteacher," he told them. "I teach English Composition in this little town called Addley, Pennsylvania. The last 11 years, I've been at Thomas Alva Edison High School."

Horvath lowered his gun and they all listened carefully.

"I was the coach of the baseball team in the springtime. Back home, when I'd tell people what I do for a living, they'd think 'Well, that figures.' But over here, it's a big mystery," he said.

She couldn't believe her ears. The Captain was an English teacher, just as Wade had bet.

"So, I guess I've changed some," he said, "Sometimes I wonder if I've changed so much, my wife is even going to recognize me whenever it is I get back to her. And how I'll ever be able to tell her about days like today."

He looked at her as if to say 'sorry.' She nodded in acceptance.

"Ah, Ryan, I don't know anything about Ryan. I don't care. That man means nothing to me. He's just a name. But if, you know, if going to Ramelle and finding him so he can go home, if that earns me the right to get back to my wife, well then that's my mission. You want to leave?" he asked Reiben.

"You want to go off and fight the war? All right. All right, I won't stop you. I'll even put in the paperwork. I just know that every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel," Captain Miller said before walking up the hill to Wade's grave.


	22. Chapter 27

The numbness she had sensed during the day began to fade with the sun. Her body felt like she had been thrown out of a moving vehicle and her mind was in no better state. She endured a wrenching pain every time she looked at the group only to notice the absence of Irwin Wade. They had followed Captain Miller up the hill and finished burying him as the moon peaked over the horizon. As they set him down in the pit, she looked hard at his face, waiting for him to open his eyes and smile at her, tell her everything was okay. He never did. Her face was raw. It burned with salt and dirt from crying, so as they began to pour dirt over his unmoving body, she gripped her helmet hard in one hand and Reiben's calloused hand in her other, gritting her teeth to keep the tears inside. She had said her goodbye already and watched as the rest of the guys walked silently over to the patch of dirt and said theirs. The Captain went last and as he walked back towards the radar station, he stopped in front of her handing her a small piece of metal. She let go of Reiben's hand and took it. It was Wade's dog tag.

"Don't lose that," he said, looking at her solemnly before heading back.

Reiben patted her on the back as she put it in the top pocket of her jacket. She picked her Garand off the ground and followed the company. It was silent as they sat in a circle, except for the crickets that chirped in the dewy grass. Miller looked at their sunken, tired faces. He cleared his throat.

"This is what I hope to be the last leg of this mission. I know it's been a long day so eat, get your things together, and we'll leave in two hours. Horvath, you're on watch until then. Reiben, Upham, check the dead Germans and take whatever we can use from them, food, bandages, or water. Parker, you're the next with the most medical training, however little that may be, we need you to carry the medical bags and help if needed,"

She nodded.

"Two hours," he said again as he pulled a small book from his breast pocket, walked a few feet away and began reading.

Most of the men began doing as the Captain had said besides Upham and Jackson. Jackson lit a cigarette off of his and walked it over to her. She took it and enjoyed the burn of the smoke as it filled her throat and lungs.

"So, now we all know the captain was a teacher, do we get our money back from the pool?" Upham asked with a small laugh.

"I don't know," she told him. "Wade won,"

"Yeah?" Jackson asked. "Wade knew?"

She nodded.

"He said he could tell by the way the Captain acts when he's angry. It reminded him of his teachers,"

The men laughed and she couldn't help but smile. A question suddenly came to mind that she had never thought to ask before.

"Upham," she paused. "Why are you here?"

"What do you mean?" he responded, unsure of the intention of her question.

"Why are you here with a rifle in your hands, barely able to use it, no offense, and the understanding of what, two different languages?"

"I don't know," he chuckled, looking at the rifle he was gripping. 'I wanted to just finish college and get a degree in something intellectual, but I guess all of that 'Uncle Sam' talk got to me. I never wanted to do this though. I've never been in any other combat. I had translated maps and telegrams safely away from all of this before the Captain showed up that day. I never thought I'd be a part of something like this mission," he explained.

"I never dreamed of doin' something like this," Jackson said.

"Why'd you join the war, Jackson?" Upham questioned.

"Cause it was the right thing to do. Before when it was just the japs, I didn't really have much intention of joining. But when I learned what Hitler was doin' to the Jews I knew I had to try to help out. Ain't nobody should be punished for being a certain religion or color or anything."

"That's real sweet coming from you, bumpkin," Reiben laughed as he stopped next to Upham.

"Brooklyn, I swear to god if we make it out of this shit I'm goin' to whoop your ass so hard you'll wish you'd a died back in Normandy," Jackson replied dryly.

"I'd rather have died back in Normandy then be standing here next to you right now, Jackson. You're going to have to try harder. Anyways, Sarge says enough jabbering. Let's get to work he said, tapping Upham on the helmet with the butt of his rifle.

They all stood up and separated. She was sick of carrying her helmet so she buckled it on as she headed towards the lump of green and tan canvas bags that sat in the blood stained grass where Wade had died. There were empty morphine capsules, sulfa pouches, and bandage canisters scattered about. She salvaged what she could, emptying the remaining bit of sulfa into a canister and packing everything else in the bags so they would close appropriately. Picking them up was the hardest part. Each one weighed about thirty pounds and the weight sent sharp pains through her arm which was nowhere near fully healed from the gunshot. Pushing herself she was able to make it back over to where Mellish was hunched, packing the few items Reiben and Upham had scrounged up from the Germans into the rest of the company's' bags. They chatted as she helped him and before too long, they were walking away from the radar station, in the dead of night, to what all of them hoped was the end of their mission.


	23. Chapter 28

Mellish was whistling from the back of the line as they marched through the early morning darkness. The eastern sky was constantly flashing with explosions from bombs going off in the far distance. For a moment, she felt blessed to have been spared from the bloody, scarring brutality of battle. What she had seen so far was almost more than she could handle. She regretted her decision to join the war and was ridden with guilt because of it. If she hadn't gone, her brother would have been killed or worse. She didn't want him fighting either. It was a double-headed coin. Either way it was flipped, there was no good side. She wanted none of it to have ever happened at all. She felt hatred growing stronger in her heart and she didn't like it. She switched the shoulder she was carrying the bags on. Carrying her rifle on her back made her uneasy. If they were ambushed, would she have time to even fire? Her imagination birthed situation after situation and she needed to get her mind off of the subject.

"Hey, Sarge," she said quietly to Horvath who was walking in front of her.

"Hm?"

"The song, the one from your lighter, how does it go?" she asked, barely able to remember the lyrics sung by the men she had heard in training.

He laughed.

"For we're saying goodbye to them all," he sung, loud enough for the group to hear but still quiet enough that any distant enemies wouldn't pick it up.

"As up the C.O.'s ass they crawl," Reiben joined in.

"You'll get no promotion this side of the ocean," Captain Miller sang, to their surprise.

The last verse, everyone knew. They all sang out,

"So cheer up my lads, fuck 'em all!"

The song had seemed so motivational when she had heard it sung before. It was bitter and eerie now. Mental and physical exhaustion were obvious in the tone. From that point on they continued their walk in silence.

As they walked along the aisles of white stone markers, she couldn't help but hum softly a song that the company had sang on of their last nights together. Ryan and Upham chatted as she did so. She twisted the gold, diamond encrusted ring that sat on her left hand. She remembered the day she had gotten a knock on her parent's front door. She had looked out the side window to see who it was. An older woman wearing a blue suit was standing on the front porch.

"Desiree, who is it?" her mother yelled from the kitchen.

"I don't know. Can you go check on Margaret? I'll answer it," she said.

She unlocked the top deadbolt and opened it.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

The woman looked at her with wonder.

"Are…you Desiree Parker?"

She opened the door a little more.

"Yes, that's me," she answered.

The woman looked relieved at her response and suddenly began to cry. She mumbled something that Desiree interpreted as, "I've been looking for ages."

"Please, come in," Desiree offered.

The woman pulled a handkerchief from her purse and entered the house. She began to wipe her eyes as Desiree shut the door.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" Desiree questioned, turning to her.

"I should have introduced myself first, I apologize. My name is Mary. Mary Wade," the woman held out her hand.

Her stomach dropped. She wanted to reach for the woman's hand but she couldn't. She felt all the blood rush from her face and felt lightheaded.

"You're Irwin Wade's mother," she said before a few tears fell from her eyes.

The woman nodded.

"Dear, you look like you're going to faint. Let's sit down,"

They sat on the couch together. Desiree felt more comfortable knowing that her legs weren't going to give out underneath her. Mary put Desiree's hand in hers and placed her other one on top.

"My son," she cringed at the word, "wrote me a letter. It was his last one. He told me about you."

Her heart was heavy and she watched the woman hold back tears the same way she was.

"Desiree, he loved you. You were the only reason he stayed strong. He said you were his light in the darkness,"

She couldn't hold it back anymore. She squeezed her eyes shut and began to cry. For months she had cried herself to sleep over him. The scene replayed in her head night after night. She was learning to move on but it wasn't easy. Mary squeezed her hand.

"I know it's hard. I pray for him every night but for a while I couldn't bring myself to talk to God. I was angry with him. He took my boy away," more tears fell from Mary's eyes. "He was my everything."

After a few moments of crying on both their parts, they dried their eyes.

"I have to keep telling myself he wouldn't want me to cry," Desiree said.

"He wouldn't want us to, he lived to make everyone happy," Mary said. "I've been trying to find you for a few weeks now. I had to get into contact with a Richard Reiben. He helped me track down your address. I have something to give you,"

The woman placed her purse in her lap and dug through it. She pulled out a small black box.

"Irwin thought you were an angel. I trust his judgment. I know that if he had lived to see the end of the war, he would've married you."

Desiree smiled, sadly.

"This ring belonged to my mother. It was her wedding ring. I hoped one day to give it to my daughter-in-law," Mary smiled, handing her the box.

Desiree's eyes widened in shock. She opened the box and in it sat an antique wedding ring with numerous diamonds.

"I can't take this from you," Desiree said.

"You aren't taking it. I'm giving it to you. He loved you Desiree and as far as I'm concerned you're family."

At that moment, her mother walked into the room, baby Margaret in her arms.

"Desi, who's this?" she said, standing in the archway.

"Mom, this is Irwin Wade's mother," she said as she set the box on the coffee table. She stood up and walked towards the archway, taking Margaret into her own arms. Mary stood up as well and shook hands with Desiree's mother.

"Mary, I've actually meant to get in touch with you myself but I've been so overly busy and emotionally this has all been very hard on me,"

"Dear, I understand…" Mary said.

"This is Margaret," she said. The baby girl with light brown hair looked at the woman as she struggled to get free of her mother's arms.

"She's your granddaughter."

The look on Mary's face was a mixture of shock and joy. She took a step back in disbelief and her eyes became wet again.

"Would you like to hold her?" Desiree said, smiling widely.

Mary nodded through tears and reached for the baby. She held her tenderly, looking into her eyes in astonishment.

"You have your daddy's eyes, little angel," she whispered.

Mary had stayed for dinner after much perseverance from her mother. She couldn't keep her eyes off of Margaret. Desiree thanked her for the ring and they planned visits so she could spend time with her granddaughter. Mary died in 1957 from lung cancer.

She came back to reality from her memories and noticed they were standing in front of the very cross she had dreaded seeing.


End file.
